Part of me would want to slam the door hard. But second chances exist for a reason, and maybe this whole thing is bigger than my ego wants to admit.
I don’t even know if I get a say. This entire process has felt so out of my hands lately, which is exhausting.
Trust doesn’t rebuild easily with me. I’ve been the one left picking up pieces too many times, extending grace that never got returned. At some point you just get tired of it.
Just… run to them.
I am sure we all have our silly little things we do that everyone else would think are insane.
I’d say oh, what are you doing here? absolutely neutrally, and then it would be up to him to persuade me not to shut the door.
I’m a reasonable person but at this point I don’t want any more 3D bullshit. Had enough of that in my life, and if I’m completely honest he has behaved badly and not much else.
What’s meant for you doesn’t just vanish, it has this stubborn way of circling back, no matter how long the gap is or how lost everything feels in between.
And if they showed up today, maybe that’s just the timing finally doing what it was always going to do.
If my Runner came back today…
I’d perhaps, slowly, approach him, hands outstretched. Cautiously. Really hesitant because we haven’t been anywhere near each other for about 2 years though we see each other almost everyday. Seeing him in front of me would make me feel like I am being delusional or something.
I think I’d poke him once or twice, in the arm or in the cheek or in the chest. Just of make sure that he’s made of flesh and bones and not my loneliness and imagination.
And once I am assured that he is really there… I’d wrap my arms around his necks and press myself against him as if trying to merge with him. There would be tears rolling down my eyes, surely, both sweet and bitter. I’d weep ugly because something inside me would break.
Then I’d let him go, look him in the eyes, run my palm through his face and hair, smiling painfully at him.
There would be no words. I suppose, I’d be choked with tears. But I think he’d get it all without any words.
(Sorry for such an emotional bit of writing.)
Maybe we should always act like they are going to come back tomorrow.
Honestly I would just want to be friends again first. No rushing into anything. They can stay the night but they’re on the couch.
The twin flame experience wrecked me in a way normal breakups never have. Normally, I bounce back in a day or two, maybe less. But this took years before I could even talk about it without completely falling apart. Years. The soul shock is something else entirely.
And has anyone else had that thing where you just… can’t look at other people romantically? Not in the usual hung-up way but like something fundamental rewired in you. Hard to explain.
I think that’s what unconditional love actually is, though. Wanting their happiness even when they’re with someone else, being genuinely open to friendship without some hidden agenda for it to become more. Way harder than it sounds.
Weep. I’d just weep, with joy. Then give him the hug of a lifetime and kiss that face.
I’d want everything on the table. Raw, no holding back. All the feelings we’ve both been sitting with, constant thoughts, every question piling up.
I’m assuming he’d have gone through his own major stuff by that point too. Just sitting down together in person and finally being real about all of it. That’s what I’d want.