I am going through a stage right now that feels uncomfortable but in a different way to the chaser energy I felt prior to this past week.
I am currently feeling not very much. Yes, I still want to see him, but I’m getting less and less bothered, feeling like I’d like to see him but if I don’t, that’s ok too.
Is this what surrender feels like? Was it never a TF connection and I’m just “getting over it”? It’s not an every day thing, but everything is feeling less intense. I’m going through stages of letting go completely and then holding on as it feels scary to let go.
Anyone gone through surrender that can give their perspective?
I have, however, for the first time noticed car registrations with his initials. Like even his middle name initial in some cases. Also a lot of 321 numbers like I’m being counted down to something.
Ooh, this book arrived in the post yesterday. I forgot I had even ordered it! I have The Power of Now also. Hoping to get through at least one of these this weekend!
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I loved this book and got most of the ones from this list now.
Enjoy the read. Let it take you wherever it takes you, even if that’s somewhere you didn’t plan on going.
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The whole ‘let go and let the divine take over’ thing sounds so zen until you’re lying awake composing imaginary conversations with your TF like some unhinged playwright
Surrender for me was more about not letting those thoughts run your whole day. Like okay brain, you want to think about them again, cool, but we’re still going to work and eating lunch and functioning like a human being.
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It’s so difficult, isn’t it. My mind wandered to reunion last night and bizarrely didn’t end well 
like, what the hell, brain?! But I guess it’s a way of preparing for every eventuality which, when reunion happens, will not go the way any of my imagined scenarios will go anyway! I find it do bizarrely that when apart, I feel the pull and anxiety (although that is beginning to ease now) but when I bump into him, I’m so chill! Like, it’s just so nice to see him and chat to him. No nerves, no censoring myself, no trying to be funny or anything really. Then, after I go off and cry, but still the actual meetings are just like I’d have with a “normal” person.
I feel like this is where I am today. I had been riding such a high the last few weeks. Not thinking about him quite as much, having this inner knowing that things were going to work out with us, but also feeling like I’d be okay and life would move on if it didn’t.
Then yesterday I started getting this vaguely depressed feeling. Even despite doing a soul contract tarot spread which was extremely positive. And today it’s hit me even harder. I feel like I’m grieving the possibility of ever seeing him again (I don’t even know his name or where he lives, so no way of contacting him or even attempting to find him). We only talked for 10 minutes when we met 9 months ago…which feels like such a cruel joke if that’s all I get with him in this lifetime. But I feel like I’m having to let go of the possibility and the hope of him. And God does it hurt.
On top of that I’m also grieving what seems to be the eventual ending of my 14 year marriage. So it feels like I’m getting a double whammy of loss and grief. All this after a massive family rupture and several deaths of family members nearly 5 years ago. It has me feeling very alone right now.
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That double whammy of grief is no small thing, and I want you to know that what you’re feeling right now is valid and important. It’s not a detour from surrender. It is surrender happening in real time.
It mirrors what we understand about quantum entanglement. Two particles that have interacted remain connected regardless of distance. Measuring one instantly affects the other, no matter how far apart they are. You spoke with this person for 10 minutes, but on an energetic level, that entanglement doesn’t care about time or proximity. The connection was established. It exists independent of whether you know his name or address.
The part that relates to surrender: in quantum physics, the act of obsessively trying to observe and control a particle actually collapses its possibilities into a single state. When you stop trying to force the observation, when you let go of needing to know the outcome, the full range of possibilities stays open. That’s essentially what you’re doing right now by grieving and releasing.
The grief you’re feeling isn’t a step backward. It’s the deepest layer of surrender. You’re letting go of the need to control something that was never yours to control, and that takes enormous courage, especially while dealing with the end of a marriage and carrying years of accumulated loss.
Be gentle with yourself through this. The entanglement doesn’t break just because you grieve. If anything, releasing that desperate grip is what allows the connection to breathe.
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Has anyone else noticed that surrender seems to mean different things to different people? Some claim it’s the best decision they ever made, while others admit there’s been little positive results but insist it’s ‘all for the best’ anyway.
I’m genuinely curious, when does surrender become enough? Is there even a finish line, or is it more about the ongoing practice itself?
Honestly, I don’t know where I land on this yet.
Ha, you’re asking about surrender while actively browsing a twin flame forum at probably 2am like the rest of us beautiful disasters. Honestly though, surrender is about releasing the need to control the outcome - even when the universe keeps throwing signs at you and your emotions are doing backflips.
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