Some (very few) can honestly and actively work toward union and their ascension before they are ever physically together.
I know it is hard. You are not alone in going through it, we’ve all been there.
As for why you have to go through it, read these. Understanding is the best thing you can give yourself, you are just sitting and hoping for things to change.
Spirit isn’t trying to torment you. Not trying to make things hard. As much as it sucks right now, it’s offering you an opportunity at something great. Something that most people can only ever really imagine.
Your pain at the moment is valid, but don’t let it stop you.