Does anyone ever just pray for God to take this away? To allow this connection to not have so much power over you?
I have been on my hands and knees praying to find a way to let this go, several times because it is just so painful. To find a way to turn inwards and not feel like I need this connection, to find a way to find some peace.
Is there anything that I can do to achieve this? I have been trying to so hard but I am at a loss.
I remember one distinct moment during my journey that is etched deeply in my mind:
I was back home (I live in another country) visiting my Mum. At that time, my Twin and I were in a period of no contact (which stretched for 10 months). I hadn’t seen/heard anything of or about him for months. Nothing on socials. Zilch. I was mindlessly scrolling Instagram and chanced upon a post. I read it, and it hit a soft spot. I double tapped to like the post, then I saw his profile photo hovering at the bottom left of the page. He had liked that same post
I burst into tears and walked out onto my balcony and fell to my knees. I looked at the sky and begged. What do you want from me. What do you want me to do. Please take this pain away. Why are you doing this. Every day I try to move on and the moment I feel I’m progressing, this pulls me 10 steps backwards. Why this. Why me. Why now. I cried. I begged. That was a difficult period
All I can say is that (this happened more than a year ago) is that it does get better. It’s a rollercoaster journey. Some days you feel completely fine, like you’re doing so much better, then suddenly. BOOM. It hits you all over again. But these days I try to remember to turn inward and focus on myself and my life. Being grounded, being present, and thankful for each hurdle…but also grateful for moments that I never thought would occur
Like how after two years of not seeing each other face to face, and going through 10 months of no contact, and being in different countries. Fate stepped in and he asked me to meet him when we both happened to be back home at the same time. Call it whatever you want. Divine timing. Divine intervention. But those little miracles happen. Sending you strength 
And it has been 8 months of no direct contact.
That gives me hope for sure but I wish I could just tell if I’m really on a TF journey or not.. there have been SO many coincidences over the past several months (playlists, posts, etc) that it seems like there’s NO way they could be just coincidences any more but complete silence when it comes to talking or messaging.. I have not reached out either. And these bodily experiences seem so out of the ordinary that it really does make me wonder could this really be happening?
But then I’m also like maybe I’m just crazy.. the other night I was stirring a bowl of food that I was cooking for my daughter and I just froze, even though I tried to keep stirring my body wouldn’t let me, I just stood there with my hand holding the fork but not moving.. and then I felt a warmth in my heart and then I started crying. It seemed so strange because everything seemed fine before that and I was just making dinner for my daughter.
I’ve never had these type of experiences before this year. So I honestly just do not know.
I am curious to hear about your journey.
Believe me. That question “Are they my actual real Twin Flame” is part of the experience that most of us go through. Personally, being now on this journey for 3+ years, I have to say that you just. Know. Instinctively. There is just something about the texture and quality of the connection that is different from anything else; there is no comparison.
When my Twin reappeared in my life, he basically turned it upside down. Back then, it was painful and absolute torture. But looking back now, what he did was exactly what I needed to heal and confront the inner child wounds in myself that I long thought I had gotten over. My fear of abandonment. My desperate need to be chosen by others. My A-type always-have-to-be-in-control personality. These traits were hurting me subconsciously. I have grown immensely and it would not have happened if not for him
I found my voice and my self confidence again. I learnt to see myself in a different light. Confronting all my demons is hard (and still is) but I take each day one at a time. Looking back now, I can confidently say I am a better version of myself. And ultimately, I choose me (still learning to believe in this 100% - saying it is one thing, practicing it is another).
But the one thing I learnt above all is faith. You can never ruin what is meant for you and sometimes when you least expect it, miracles happen. Faith. Patience. Grit. And hope
The last time I saw my Twin, he shared with me how he’s been on anti-depressants, how his life seems like such a mess, how he has trouble sleeping and how he can randomly burst into tears while driving. I asked him to let me be his lighthouse, and to know I’m always here to guide him and I’m not going anywhere.
The lighthouse doesn’t go looking for the ships. It just keeps its light on and trusts that the ones who need it will find their way back
I think beyond any post or answer you can find online, you already know the answer to your question. Sending you love
Where do I start… It’s a lot to unpack and it’s hard for me to talk about all the details because some of it sounds insane, but I’m at the point where I have to find a way to be OK with surrendering and giving it to God because I’m truly exhausted and I just can’t keep living this way. So in the past where I have always jumped into relationships very quickly, lately I’ve been actually weighing my options, really considering red flags and thinking about whether or not it’s a good idea for me to be with whoever it is. Someone that I would’ve loved to date 14 years ago is trying to date me now but I keep telling him I’m not ready for anything other than just talking on the phone, but there are also several things that have kept me from dating him along the way.
A few months ago I had an eye-opening experience with the person that I think might be my twin flame… I only met her last year and it’s so complicated.. at first It started out as a crush I had and I thought OK no big deal it’ll go away because she wasn’t available and also the environment we were in.. it would not have been appropriate for anything to happen between us and yes, I said HER. And that’s why I say it’s complicated… I’ve always been attracted to men and have been married to a man and had a few boyfriends and what not, after I met this person, I realized that I was somehow attracted to her, but only her… I’ve never been attracted to another woman in my life before her and never after.
Well, she started really making me feel seen and confident a few months ago, and I was trying to suppress my crush on her because it wasn’t appropriate for me to have feelings for her both because of the roles we were in and the fact that she’s married. Well over the course of the next couple of months things started to get a little intense between us and during the last couple of weeks I pretty much let her know that I liked her (non-verbally) after I found out that it mattered to her when I was not around.. and things only intensified after that.. to the point where one time we were alone and we were shaking in front of each other, but I didn’t realize we were both shaking until she grabbed my hand to comment on something, and after she realized that we were shaking, she dropped my hand, but that didn’t stop her from resuming physical touch very soon after.
I even backed off the last few days to give her space and to see if it was just me.. and she made it very apparent that she didn’t want any space. But ultimately we never spoke actual words about it and she was no longer around due to circumstance.
Well she keeps adding songs that are significant and it has been several months. Songs that she knows would make me look twice.. and inside jokes, songs around significant dates, etc. Things that would make you think she’s looking at my songs. But then im like, nah.. they’re just songs.
I’m trying to be a bit vague here but that’s probably not working too well.
There’s more but I feel silly writing it all out.
Well like I said it has been several months but I keep having these dreams and sensations like the connection is still there even though we haven’t talked or messaged since she left. And random times when I just get emotional for no reason at all. And there was that night in my kitchen a few nights ago when I was making dinner for my daughter.. I was stirring something in a bowl before putting it on the stove and I just froze.. I couldn’t stir anymore. I just stood there and I felt a warmth go through my heart and then I just started crying.
And god, I sure do hope she never sees this. It’s hard for me to write this thinking that I still might just be crazy.
What do you think?
Also, good luck on your journey.. it inspires me. I have been trying my best even before all this to work on myself and look inward and all that but I’m still a little lost, honestly.
I’m so sorry, I feel your pain 
I call the TF journey Ascension Bootcamp, because its the most brutal process I think a human can go through.
As someone who constantly tries to “understand the system” and find shortcuts, ways to be efficient, AND has strong motivations to end the process ASAP (feel him ‘with’ others….) I have concluded the only way is THROUGH.
I’ve tried cord cutting
I’ve tried completely “surrendering” and leaving entirely
I’ve tried forcing myself to be FULLY healed all in one go.
But the best I can do is learn how to process my way through each lesson as quickly as possible. In the end, the healing feels like a cork being wiggled back and forth out of a wine bottle. It cannot be pulled out all in one go. And each time you go back and forth, the healing goes even deeper. Until POP you’ve fully integrated that healing and that specific trigger hurts far less than it used to. Even if it was a lifelong fear! And while the Universe digs ever deeper as time goes on, the pain may still come, but in its wake is a new healed version of yourself, slowly being reborn.
You COULD distract yourself until the end of your life, if you wanted. And maybe maintain some shallow sense of normalcy, but I’m guessing the unhealed parts of you that are screaming to be seen (aka… the pain) will always be there, waiting to be cared for by you, and the Universe won’t let up until you do.
But understanding the process has been a massive comfort to me and the pain feels like it means something instead of pointless torture. Choosing to “dive into” the pain, gives a sense of ownership, and less like you’re powerless while going through it.
Big hugs to you 
You’re so not alone!
The pain might just be the resistance to the connection, not the connection itself. Praying it away could be the thing keeping it so loud and relentless, at least that’s been my experience.
And maybe surrender just looks like acceptance.
But it’s like if I can just forget about it and make it go away.. it seems like it wouldn’t be so painful. There are people in here talking about 20 years. I’ve only known this person for almost a year and a half.
Thank you for sharing your story. I can empathize with some of what you’re experiencing, especially the part where you’re asking yourself if you’re going crazy. If you don’t mind me asking, why did you stop speaking? Was it your decision or hers?
For what it’s worth, I don’t think you’re crazy
There have been times when I wish there was something I could do to just forget the last 3 years (have you ever watched Eternal Sunsine of the Spotless Mind? It’s such a good movie to reflect what I’m talking about). But I do believe that you will get to the point of acceptance and surrender; when those intense emotions don’t hang on your heart as heavy as they do now. This might be a good time for you to reflect on your own life, and yourself. I imagine you must have already read this a thousand times. Meditation and journaling helped me a lot.
Just know that you’re not alone on this journey. The journey does unfold in the most mysterious ways. Sending you love
Ok.. is this page rigged?! All 3 threads that I’ve been commenting on or engaging in have 11 posts.. so when I go to the last post/comment on each one it says “11/11” on all 3 of them. What?!
Also, there’s something else really strange that has been happening which I kept telling myself is just a coincidence but it has happened WAY too many times in the last 6-7 months.
She’d be completely silent on social media and I would too.. for weeks.. then I’d post something and she’d post right after or around the same time. Usually right after or within the same hour. I thought for a long time, well maybe it’s just a weird coincidence.. so I just stopped posting for several weeks.. and I would have never expected it to happen again because she hadn’t posted in almost a month.. I posted.. she posted either a few minutes after or around the same time.
I’ve seen it so many times I’m just like how can it be a coincidence at this point?
But it still sounds crazy to me. Why would someone do that?
How many times can it be a coincidence?
I don’t believe in coincidences 
I wonder if part of the suffering is believing peace can only arrive once the connection gets quieter. Peace is something you can practice while it’s still fully present.
One thing that might help is a small return-to-self ritual after prayer. Write down a few facts about your current life along with one need your body has today and an action that’s just for you, like taking a walk or cooking something.
You could also try a prayer that separates the bond from the obsession. Something like, “God, let what is sacred remain, and let what is compulsive fall away.” That way you’re not asking to destroy the connection, just to be released from the part that’s stealing your peace.
Yes, during the ‘‘nigredo’’ phases. So painful. Just let everything go, feel what I feel and concentrate in my everyday tasks , my hobbies, my dreams. This helps. I remind myself that I am allowed to feel angry. He is allowed to run away and take his time, even if he never comes back. I trust that Spirit is working behind the scenes, always. Also, I don’t try anymore to suppress my emotions for him. I think that is the key for me. Shutting the emotions is like self punishment , when he rejects his owns emotions he hurts me, why hurting myself as well? I continue to feel , and feel proud for this, I have the strength to be vulnerable and this is my super power
Mute the socials. Seriously. Checking and rereading posts for any sign it’s them… that’s what feeds the ache.
Your nervous system doesn’t need more sparks to chase.
I stopped asking for removal and started asking for understanding of why it was placed there in the first place.
I really thought I replied to this but I didn’t see my reply on the thread. I’m still figuring things out on here. Sorry.
Well.. regarding the eternal sunshine movie, I saw it a long long time ago, but I’ll rewatch it at some point.
In reality I imagine that she left due to circumstance.. but with everything going on it seemed like she was leaving because things got tense and a bit awkward between us after I non-verbally let her know I liked her. But everything just escalated really quickly right there at the end. And during that time I was dropping weight really quickly, not able to function normally, and just having a lot of things happening to my body that don’t normally happen. I was literally thinking what on earth is going on here?!
And It’s really strange.. it almost felt like what was happening was not of this world.. it’s hard for me to explain it because I’ve never experienced anything like it before.
Does this make any sense or does it just sound crazy??
Also, this past weekend I went to a wedding and I’d say more than half the songs they played were on her playlists in the last 3 months or so. I was also thinking huh?! 
That’s ok. I understanding you must be processing a lot at the moment. Just know that you aren’t alone. When I first realized what was happening and at the stage when I was figuring things out, I was in the same position as you are. Some days, I still question and wonder about some aspects of my own journey, but I think that is completely normal.
Are the both of you currently in no contact?
And you don’t sound crazy at all. Some things that happen are hard to explain, and most people won’t understand exactly what you’re going through. I do believe in time, you will find the answers you seek. Stay strong, stay positive. Sending you love 
Yes, no contact. Quite frankly the connection scares me a lot because it reveals things about me that I’ve never explored or experienced before and I keep telling myself that maybe it was just a one-off strange situation and since it hasn’t happened before or again (referring to the same sex attraction) maybe I should just go back to dating men and try to forget about this. I’ve been trying to let this go for over a year now. Can’t do anything about it anyways because she’s not available.
Am I supposed to look into that more?
What I do know is that in the past where I would have just jumped into a relationship with this guy that I’ve reconnected with recently, I’m deciding that I need to look at the pros/cons and what I actually want and I’ve ultimately decided that I’m not going to date him. Known him for 14 years.
