You may have read my story before. But I guess this retelling is through a different perspective because of the journey I have been on. And also because there are present day updates, and I would love to hear anyone’s perspective or advice.
I guess we have to start from the beginning again. So bear with me if you have read this:
There is a lot of geographical movement in my story, so bear with me.
My Twin and I met in what I will call country A.
My Twin Flame journey started when I was 17 (I didn’t realise it at the time). My first love, my first serious boyfriend, my first a lot of things: JB. We dated for about a year and a half before we broke up. It ended badly with me ghosting him, and pretty much shutting him out of my life. He returned when we were 21 (at my Grandmother’s funeral to pay his respects) where I asked why he had decided to attend and that I never wanted to see him again. I learnt later on that he had done it because it was his last attempt to win me back. After this, we never spoke again, but he continued to stay friends with my younger brother.
In 2013, I made a decision to move to country B for my career, and have been living there ever since
Fast forward 22 years later to 2023. I was living in country B, and my father had just passed away. I travelled back home to country A to attend the funeral, and JB turned up. He was now married (to an ex-school mate of mine that I know) with two children. I decided to let bygones be bygones, and greeted him with a hug at the wake. I also sent him a message via FB after to thank him for always being there to support my family. And we ended up talking, and meeting up to catch up. On 17 July (717), when we were saying goodbye, we kissed. And the feeling was inexplicable. His immediate exact reaction to the kiss was, “Oh boy.” It was as if someone had pressed the pause button 22 years ago, and now we had restarted were we left off. He said it felt like coming home
He told me he’s always felt that I was his soulmate, and honestly the term “Twin Flame” only came to my knowledge after we reconnected. It’s been a painful journey so far because of the obstacles of the long distance and our karmic connections. I ended things with my karmic partner, and he told me that even before I came into the picture, he was planning to separate with his wife because she cheated on him in the past and they were only staying together for the sake of their children. He told me his wife and children were planning to move overseas to country C, but he did not have plans to go so in December 2023, they moved to country C without him. He remained in country A
We were long distance now so i flew back home to see him for his birthday in March 2024, and for two beautiful months, things seemed so hopeful. We spoke every day, it seemed perfect and that we were moving forward. However, after a fight in May 2024, we stopped talking for 5 months. He then reappeared on my birthday in October 2024. And I had hoped that we could have a conversation about what is actually happening between us. Because we had made so many plans on how we can overcome the obstacles to actually be together and start a life together. Our communication was sporadic and surface level. Then after a warm exchange over Christmas 2024, he ghosted me. Just disappeared. I tried reaching out two or three times. Then I just stopped. I just couldn’t understand what happened. But I made the decision to focus on my life and my own healing journey. I meditated, focused on work, family and friends, I journaled in my own way, I wrote down my dreams, created graphics based on the signs and synchronicities that I would see through out my days…broke down more times than I can remember. All this trying to move forward, but still constantly feeling him in my heart.
I later found out that he had made the decision to move to country C to be with his family. But he was in a different state from them. So he would drive 8 hours every weekend to see them, then drive back for work. I digress
Through my journey, I also made a beautiful friend and met an amazing psychic. Both of whom I am so grateful to for my healing, my new perspective and current state of emotional groundedness don’t get me wrong, I still have days that I spiral. But it doesn’t stay for as long anymore. I allow myself to feel those emotions then I release them. One way I found that was cathartic for me was reposting meaningful posts on my Close Friends stories on Instagram and selecting him as the only “Close Friend”, perhaps this sounds silly, but he NEVER checks my socials even tho he follows and has never blocked me. So it felt like a safe space for me to express my feelings and IF he DID see them, then it would be because he was meant to
October 2025 - after 10 months of complete silence - at 11:59pm, one minute before my birthday ended. There is was. A text and 6 videos from JB. He wanted to be the last person to wish me happy birthday and wanted to gift me a “mini concert” as he called it. I responded with a simple thank you.
A week after, he sent me a song. Blind by Lifehouse. We sent a few songs back and forth. Then nothing. He called me a week later, and we talked and caught up a little. I was incredibly surprised to hear from him. Then the months after, we communicate sporadically. Very surface level. Nothing too emotional. But he would tell me that he misses me, or send me photos when something reminded him of me.
This time around, as compared to our interactions the previous year, I allowed him to lead me. I stayed grounded and observed where he was coming from and met him in that same energy. But, as much as I hated to admit it, his pattern was causing me anxiety and I needed him to stop because I felt myself going backwards into chaser energy which I did not want to be in again
During our brief time talking, he mentioned he might be going back to country A for Easter, and coincidentally, I had already booked tickets home for the same period.
Valentines Day 2026 came, and he sent me a text to wish me which, again, surprised me. I responded with the same energy. Then. Again. Silence. For two weeks. This time, I had enough. I texted him if we could talk. And he did not respond. The purpose of my text was that I wanted to tell him I had enough of walking on eggshells, that I was losing myself now that he was back and if he wanted to be in my life, then stay around. I wanted to be honest and upfront. But he just stayed away
I decided to honour my boundaries, so when his birthday came around in March. I made the choice not to wish him. Not out of spite, but out of self respect. Even though I recognise him as my Twin, he does not deserve a free pass because of who I know he is
I flew home to country A at the end of March (which as I am writing this was two weeks ago). I still continued posting on my Close Friends stories as I usually would. Then one random day, I was rewatching some public stories I had posted, and realised that he was watching my stories ALL OF THEM. It made me curious. WHY was he watching. And now? After all the silence. I just continued posting as authentically as I usually do and - believe me - tried my best not to check if he viewed them
Then on 7 April, I received a curious DM from him. He replied to one of my CF stories saying: When are you flying out?
After a brief exchange he asked if I wanted to have coffee. He told me he was in country A for a week with his family to visit his and his wife’s families, but would like to catch up. So we planned a date to have coffee the following night
We met at our usual spot, we would always seem to go have coffee here. It was the place we met for coffee in 2023 when we first reconnected after my dad’s funeral. I guess you could say it is our special spot
I was sitting waiting for him and when he arrived, I spotted him and stood up. We walked towards each other and I swear I felt as though everyone around us just disappeared. And he said, “Hi,” with that smile he would always give me, and we hugged. My heart stopped and it felt like how it always feels when we are in physical contact with each other. Like time stopped.
We bought coffees and I suggested we take a drive to our spot along the beach. He laughed and cheekily asked why there? And I replied, “Coz I really don’t want to cry and scream at you in public”. And he chuckled nervously
I drove, parked, took my seatbelt off and faced him, and just started crying, Everything I had wanted to say just came out. I asked him what happened, I told him how much he hurt me and I have no idea what I did to make him treat me this way, that after all the history we shared, I never thought he would be the one to hurt me this way because he more than anyone knows how I have been hurt in the past, I told him I cannot do this dynamic with him anymore. If he wants to be a part of my life, then I need him to at least be a consistent presence - not that we need to talk daily - but I don’t want us to have to be walking on eggshells with each other, but if he cannot be there then I need to leave.
He sat there in silence for a while as I cried. He looked over at me a few times before he said, “I’m sorry that I hurt you, I’m sorry for how I treated you. You didn’t do anything wrong, it was all on me. I can’t explain why I went silent, but everytime I wanted to reach out to you, something stopped me. I was afraid of how you would react to me so as more time passed, it got worse and worse coz I can imagine how upset you would be and I didn’t know how to handle it. So I didn’t and I’m sorry. I should have. You don’t deserve to be treated this way.” We continued talking, and he admitted to me that he’s started going to therapy and is actually on antidepressants. He’s going through a lot in his life and talking to his therapist has helped a lot. He’s shared that he spoke to her about me, and I responded, “You told your therapist about me?” And he laughed and said, “You’d be surprised”
I told him how during those months of his silence, how I tried so hard to move on. How I’ve never been the type of person to get “hung up” on someone. I told him about the signs and synchronicities I would see. How numbers relating to us would always appear to me, how our songs would play at the most random moments, how I see bees and dragonflies, and jacaranda bonsais bloom in spring…and how even tho I tried, he is everywhere to me. Then he looked me in the eye and said, “Do you think you’re the only one who sees numbers pop up out of nowhere? Do you know how many times I’ve seen them too? Do you know how many times I’ve heard songs randomly play on the radio and start crying on my drives? Sometimes it feels like the Universe is just playing this cosmic joke on me.” Then. He moved forward and pulled my face towards his and kissed me. Yes, I melted
We continued talking and he told me he knows he needs to show more effort, and that he wants to take baby steps and try. I said to him that I know we both have had hard lives growing up, and don’t we both deserve to have a glimmer of happiness now? I don’t know what the future will hold, but if we both keep returning back to each other, then don’t we at least deserve a chance to see what this all means? I told him I have never and will never ask him to leave his wife for me, but could we at least try to be kind to each other and just be ourselves?
The night came to an end, and after I dropped him off, I drove home feeling like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. And for the first time in a long time, I felt absolute clarity. I know what I need and what I deserve. And the fear of walking away from this doesn’t scare me anymore. I use to cling on to this connection because I was so afraid of losing him. But now it is clear without a shadow of a doubt that we both feel the connection between us, and even tho we have both tried to move on, it is a connection we cannot shake off. I don’t know what is next, but I guess we have to see with time how this unfolds. I do know that if he decides to disappear again, he will not find me again when he returns because. Yes, maybe this is not the lifetime we will find union, but I know we have definitely triggered each other to heal and grow
It sounds to me that he is going through his own healing journey, and I am proud that he is seeing a therapist for his issues. I pray he finds some semblance of peace and understanding. I will always hold love in my heart for him, but I surrender my connection to the Universe. Whatever it may hold.
And if all this has proven anything to me, it is that divine timing does exist. The fact that we were both in country A at the same time and found time to see each other face to face in nearly two years despite the distances and obstacles between us, at a moment we were both open to listening and understanding the other just proved to me that everything I’ve gone through in the last three years is real. And each moment is orchestrated by the divine. It is beyond our control, but it happens when the timing is right. Not because we demand or force it to happen
Thank you for reading this incredibly long post
I’ll keep you updated on the days/months as they go by
