Runners are often plagued by the thought that you might move on, even after they left. No, that’s not f-ing logical, but they are stuck with the illogical of it as well.
This struck a chord with me. My runner literally told me we have to move on, but when I told him I was trying to (thinking it would show him I was respecting his wishes), he seemed to get really upset by that and he blocked me. I’ve sensed all along that he has feelings for me that he’s been suppressing, and that’s why he would occasionally let it slip and then pull away and go cold again.
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At the beginning of this year, my TF announced that he was going to commit to his current partner. Through a mutual friend, he told me to move on and always be happy. Imagine how upset I was to receive that message twice in one month.
I felt upset because he had the audacity to tell me to move on, be happy, and let bygones be bygones, even though his own choices and behaviour were part of what caused me so much pain.
What upset me even more was that the second message came out of nowhere. He had been talking about the type and colour of my motorcycle when he suddenly asked our mutual friend to tell me to move on and be happy. No one had even brought up our past relationship. 
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It’s so painful to be told so flippantly to move on from someone who means everything to you, especially after everything they did or said to contribute to your pain. I’m sorry you’re going through this.
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Thank you for your kind words. Overall, I’m doing okay. Perhaps the anger is just catching up with me a little late.
I hope my anger is healthy, so that once it subsides, I can put it on a different shelf, lock it away, and finally leave it there for good, rather than burying it before I’m ready.
And, I think I need to put my thoughts about my TF to rest, too. Otherwise, I might find myself caught in a spiral of rumination that could take an emotional toll on me.
I don’t want the weight of these emotions to overshadow the bright possibilities I’ve worked so hard to build for myself, or to make it harder for me to envision a future filled with possibilities.
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Sending you so much love, @Yaneka_Herma. It’s funny that you mention anger coz I’ve stopped really feeling sad and more angry at my Twin. Maybe there’s something in the air.
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Funny that you mention feeling angry, @Yaneka_Herma and @eunichick - I, too, had become very angry towards my twin before he blocked me. Of course, it was my anger-driven outburst, telling him that I’m trying to move on but have always loved him and will always care about him no matter how much he angers me, that led to him blocking me. 
So I definitely recommend going no contact until the anger passes, so you don’t end up causing more damage to the connection.
In the long run, maybe the anger is a necessary step towards detachment.
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@Aquamarine and @eunichick,
Anger is certainly one of the most powerful fuels for detachment. I hope that one day, when the anger has faded and the pain has lessened, my TF and I will be able to talk about everything calmly. Or, if we happen to run into each other, I hope neither of us will feel the need to run away or take a detour. Because that’s how I’ve been feeling lately.
I ran into him in a parking lot. 
Perhaps I was the one who spotted him first, because my immediate reaction was to turn around and walk away. I wanted to run. I didn’t want to be in the same place as him. But then I told myself not to be a coward. It was a parking lot, after all. Anyone could be there. Still, I couldn’t bring myself to face him. I pretended to be replying to a message on my phone as I walked towards my ride, knowing I would have to walk right past him to get there.
As it turned out, he was in a hurry to leave, heading in the opposite direction from me, even though he would normally have had to walk in my direction. I won’t claim that he was rushing because he saw me. Maybe he simply thought he was running late. But I couldn’t help feeling annoyed. Did he think I was a ghost or something? Was that why he had to rush away so quickly? 
And yes, we’ll never truly understand their side of the story if they’re unwilling to talk about it openly. Many runners have shared their experiences, but I think there will always be a part of us that remains unsatisfied if the answers don’t come directly from our own TFs.
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