Hi guys, I’ve not been too active on here but I’ve been lurking for a while and I l have learned so much, so I’ve decided to share a bit about my story so far, in case it helps someone out there. This isn’t a happy ending (yet) though I sincerely believe we will get there but it does illustrate the tremendous power of the 5D connection twin flames share - and the value of doing some inner work and healing.
My twin flame always knew we shared a deep and special connection, that went far beyond typical normal, love - though neither of us were aware we were twin flames. We met when I was 17 and he was turning 20 and were together for a long time, though we went through turmoil including arguments and multiple separations. I struggled with self-worth, shame, control issues, and fear of abandonment and he struggled with multiple issues too, including control issues, shame, fear of being criticised and a need for validation from other people. We both also have core childhood wounds regarding love and it’s expression. We both throughout our relationship
Throughout our 2 decade long relationship, typically he would run for brief periods after an argument - and that runner / chaser energy was there for a long time. I was the chaser of course 
But in my own way, I was actually running too. From facing myself. From embracing unconditional love.
He always returned within a couple of weeks max though - except for the last time, in July 2023 when he left me while he was supposed to be waiting for me to come out of an appointment, then when I texted him, told me “he couldn’t do this anymore”. There was also some other unhealthy stuff, where he wasn’t taking his share of responsibility but that’s not relevant to the point I want to make and it’s personal and to do with core wounds, so I’ll skip that part right now.
We continued to casually see each other for a bit at my initiation (I needed to have him in some way, back then it was definitely a need) but it was mutual and he was willing but he was also seeing other people/ exploring and told me I should do same. When we did meet it was, in his words “electric.”
Then because he kept pushing back the dates we were supposed to be meeting and because I was upset and operating from ego AND because I knew he was only doing this because he was with someone else I slept with someone else. I don’t know if he sensed this or somehow found out but we saw each other one more time intimately after this and I sensed something was off so I asked him if he was still in love with me and he said “not anymore.” Even so, I sensed this wasn’t right, like he didn’t mean it and was only saying it for some reason.
He then texted me a few days later and said he had a near breakdown shortly after this and I do feel that my having been with someone else was why he never after that made another date to hook up with me.
We only saw each other once after that, and we weren’t intimate, it was very, very briefly when he helped me escape an abusive situation I had gotten myself into by escorting me to a taxi. He very much kept me at arm’s length on that occasion, blowing me a kiss rather than kissing me. After that he did contact me periodically and then confirmed what I had suspected regarding his feelings as he texted a few months ago and told me “part of him would always be in love with me, the sort of love that’s totally unreachable by anyone else ever again”.
He initially tried to stay friends/ friendly, though he still didn’t suggest us meeting - but I think we both knew it is always going to be more than that. But because I was still operating from ego level and felt rejected, confused and hurt that he didn’t even seem to want to meet casually (but intimately), I told him I don’t give my energies to men who I’m not romantically or at least intimately involved with and kept him at arm’s length too after that. I distracted myself with alcohol, a few disastrous casual liasions and a bunch of other unhealthy stuff, and I’m pretty sure he did the same. I had raised my self esteem a bit in some ways, as a few things happened to me that made me appreciate my own inner strength and resilience but I still had a lot of insecurities and A LOT and I mean A LOT of self-hatred. I also had a lot of resentment for him and was still trying to be manipulative. I wasn’t coming from a place of love.
He’d still text me sporadically but contact dried up, I could sense he cared for me deeply though, even from just a few sentences of text. But I was in so much pain. then I had a dark night of the soul, and somehow became aware of the concept of twin flames. Something seemed to click into place and it lifted some of the pain by helping me make a bit more sense of the connection - and why it felt like our feelings on both sides seemed to be persisting. I still was still mired in alcohol addiction though and was still trying to “play hard to get” due to ego wounds from the rejection. I held back from contacting him but then had a lapse after about 40 days of no contact and texted him on what would have been the anniversary of our wedding (I divorced him in July 2024. I was drunk and made an abortive attempt to tell him how I really feel but it degenerated into me rambling about idiotic things - including men I was seeing/ thinking of seeing. I deleted most of the rambling posts, even so, he texted me back to tell me he would “love me forever” and that i was “his only love” but the conversation went no further in terms of our bond.
The next day I was so shocked and embarrassed about the way I had approached him, I decided to go sober. Four days after that and some brutal and I mean brutal dark nights of the soul, it all became much clearer and simpler - I knew somehow that we weren’t actually separated in the 5D - and I also knew I had unconditional love for him. I could also see where some of my triggers that had been blocking this love and also causing me such pain were coming from - especially my core mother wound, related to not feeling worthy, not feeling enough and my low self-esteem (feeling like I wasn’t attractive enough for him because of my flaws).
I texted him and basically told him “look I know you don’t want this right now for whatever reason, but I will always love you. I know we have a deep spiritual connection and I feel you are part of me somehow. I think you feel it too.” I even told him I don’t feel separated from him in a higher plane of reality/ consciousness. Then I said, I will love you with all the pieces of my soul for all eternity but I have to choose myself now - and someone who chooses me. please don’t attempt to respond to this as its not the right time but when you are ready to choose me, we can reconnect and I know I’ll see you again, even if it’s in the next lifetime.”
I didn’t block him and he respected my wishes and didn’t respond, so I decided to finally face myself, my issues, and my triggers without using alcohol to mask. It was brutal - but freeing, there were quite a few nights spent ugly crying. Slowly I started doing inner work, shadow work and chakra healing. I started reading and learning more about twin flames, the separation phase, raising the vibe/ frequency, surrender and reaching union. I prayed.
I found this community and started the blueprint, I’m still only about 30% through it - I still have a TON of inner work to do, especially surrounding self-worth, loving myself, feeling beautiful/ attractive enough (especially for him, it’s way worse with him than with anyone else even though I know he loves me unconditionally)
I started to feel a strange peace, I hadn’t let go of the connection (how can you when it’s this deep) but the when started to matter less, I just sort of knew. In a way though I deeply, deeply yearned and got so so sad, waves of sadness and grief over him - but in a way I just knew it would happen. I trusted divine timing. I definitely raised my vibration a little bit at least I think.
I’ll admit I had days where doubts would creep in - am I imagining this, is this more a one-sided thing, even though he had told me he loved me, he had rejected me and hadn’t taken it further after all and had even pulled back. Is he even my twin flame (though as soon as I discovered this concept, truly I knew it deep down and had always sensed we were more than just a 3D connection even before)
I alternated between days of peace and waves of grief, that somehow did seem to land on me more gently, though the depth of feeling hadn’t lessened in any way. I saw some signs and syncs 111, 22, 222, and 77/ 777 especially, also a lot of 44’s and had some interesting tarot/ oracle readings. I saw a fairly rare stuffed animal online that I used to say was him, had a couple of odd dreams where he was there that seemed to be somehow coded messages.
I did later feel I had decoded some of these. Nothing enormous but enough to anchor my sense and not dismiss it entirely. I would also sometimes have these random waves of joy or grief related to us springing up. Still not sure how many of these were mine organically, or whether sometimes I was feeling his energy.
Last night I did the Bright Flame Activation in the Union Blueprint. I also that day did the exercise about shared strengths and ego shadows and right before I went to sleep I did some heart centred breathing.
this morning I had woken up early around 4AM (barely) and I heard the familiar whatsapp sound. I looked and it was my twin flame sending me a song “Lovesong” The Cure - I have this song on my playlist already, it exactly speaks to how I feel about him.
He then texted expressing his love for me and apologising for keeping me at arm’s length. He said he had been broken, dissolved and redissolved and he called me “his baby”. We had a shortish, heartfelt chat that touched on some reasons for our split - and he asked me to meet him in a few weeks time. I said yes but I want to maintain the high frequency vibe between us and still struggle with self worth (though I’m working on that) - so I’ve asked for a reading here regarding the outcome of this meeting and if whoever does my reading can forsee any problems I should be aware of, so I can at least prepare myself.
I STILL have some fears that I will somehow not be enough for him to want to physically reunite in the 3D yet. But if he doesn’t - and honestly I’m not actually expecting reunion right now I just want to see him again, enjoy that and go from there. My only hope going forward actually is that we can at least both consciously maintain our spiritual connection this time around - and that we can at least connect regularly in some way which is meaningful and deserving of our connection (i.e at least acknowledging we are more than just friends, even if we both don’t know what that looks like this time around yet)
In fact, I just hope - he doesn’t completely ghost again but I don’t think he will. Even if he does, that’s okay too in a way, as I know now we will always be connected. So I’m in a much better place to meet him I think - however because I do still have this self-worth issue I do still fear it will affect things .
I’m not at all THERE yet in terms of total self-love. Not even close, But I am working on this. And I know some things now. I know our bond is unbreakable even if we can’t be together properly - yet. I know I love him unconditionally and he loves me unconditionally - whatever this means.
Even though I still struggle, my self-worth has grown. My appreciation of my own beauty has grown, with or without him. Even if he rejects me - and believe me that will hurt - but it won’t ultimately because I know even if it’s not in this lifetime we WILL reunite and we are NOT separated in the 5D. Also I never expected to get this kind of message or admittance from him - so that’s confirmation for me. No matter what, I know now, I wasn’t going crazy, he WAS feeling it too, all along.
I hope this post helps encourage someone as believe me even though I wa always curious and kind of spiritual, I was also a skeptic/ jaded about 3D vs 5D and especially about the value of inner work.
then a weird thing happened and the TF journey sparked the need for growth which although I went through massive pain, did oddly help me fall in love with myself. Enough at least to want to work on myself and my pain, not just for US but honestly for me, too. so that I could be happy. with or without him. though obviously and always ultimately happier with him, but I found it within myself to want to be happy regardless too. Just a little bit.
Have faith. Please. Faith/ trust in the universe/ the divine, persistence and making a decisive choice as to what you want and sending it out to the universe then letting it be - can move mountains. Oh and self-love. Don’t forget that. Still working on that one myself.
I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve seriously questioned my sanity on this journey, but I know, deep in my soul, that he’s feeling this too. I am not crazy. And neither are you. This story is beautiful and hopeful, and I’m rooting for you.