I’ve gone back and forth with myself on whether or not I should post this, but this is my twin flame story.
Back in late 2023, I was made aware that I was a twin flame. At the time, I thought it was someone else, and I didn’t realize I later met my twin flame until our first separation ended back in 2025. But anyway, I met her on the 3 year of my physical transition (I’m transgender FTM) in early 2024 which probably should have been a sign. But we met through our occupations. I remember thinking that she was beautiful, but what really drew me in was her energy. It was that of what I like to call “familiar chaos.” She was very unorganized, but so passionate, kind, bold, funny, and intelligent, and it was something that I loved about her. After one hour of being in her presence, I felt like I knew her energy from somewhere, but I couldn’t really pinpoint it. She honestly reminded me of myself in a lot of ways. While I didn’t want to acknowledge my feelings because of it being through work, I had sincerely fallen in love with her after that hour. My best friend told me that she never heard me talk about someone the way I talked about my twin flame. We describe it as “love at first meet” rather than “love at first sight,” but I guess on paper, it’s pretty damn close. Every week, we saw one another, and certain lines were crossing into friendship territory. We discovered that we had a lot in common, and each week, I was excited to see her again. One day, I was informed that she was leaving due to the death of a loved one. I was saddened by this and didn’t want to lose touch with her, but I accepted that she was leaving. She showed up a bit later and told me we needed to talk. She told me about the situation more in-depth and said that she doesn’t usually do this sort of thing and asked if we could keep in touch after that day because she felt like we had become friends. I agreed because I didn’t want it to end either. We exchanged social media and phone numbers. Towards the end, I suddenly felt the urge to give her a hug, but I wasn’t going to cross that line. Within seconds, she asked me if she could give me a hug, and I accepted.
Since then, we’ve met up a handful of times. We went to go see a metal band that I’m friends with, and the person who I thought was my twin flame was there, too. What I distinctly remember was watching my twin flame head off into the mosh pit while I stayed back with the other woman, and there was something in the energy. I felt everything in me drawn to my twin while it felt the other woman’s energy was trying to pull me in a different direction. At some point, I just couldn’t handle the intensity of my feelings for her and ran. I deleted her off social media and deleted her number. All of the wounds I tried to ignore came up, and I was using drugs and other addictions to cope my whole life. I dove in further trying to run away from my feelings for her. After I ran, I wanted to die. There was so much I didn’t want to feel anymore. I felt like I made the biggest mistake of my life. She reached out for Thanksgiving, but I ignored the message. I prayed to the divine to bring her back to me. She reached back out in January 2025, and I responded. We’ve spoken off and on since. We went to more shows together, and unusual things have occurred. She would tell me things that made me realize she was my twin flame. During a phone call, she once said, “It’s like we’re twins or something.” On a car ride to see our friends in one metal band, there was an interesting synchronicity. My favorite band is Sleep Token, and in their song Emergence, the vocalist says:
"You might be the one to take away the pain and let my mind go quiet
And nothing else is quite the same as how I feel when I’m at your side"
During that car ride, she told me that around me, it’s like her mind goes quiet. The weight of her cultural and familial responsibilities (we are both American but come from different ethnic backgrounds) wasn’t quite so heavy. Another time, she told me that after we hung out, she wanted to replicate that feeling. So, she went to a party with some friends, but things went wrong. She also told me that she had severe anxiety the drive over to pick me up due to a family situation, which was strange because I had very bad anxiety for hours before she came to pick me up. After that same show we were heading to mentioned with the synchronicity, she told me on the way back that two of our friends in a different metal were talking about how happy she seemed and that she looked like she was having fun in life. She said that it’s only because she posts what people want to see, and that’s all the fun times. She never posts or tells anyone about the struggles she endures. But at this show, she started doing business with the woman who I thought was my twin flame before. This will be relevant in a moment.
Anyway, a few months later (October), she invited me to see some of our other friends in a band (the ones who said it looked like she was doing well), and I agreed to go. The night before that, though, we went to a folk night with her brother and sister-in-law. While her brother and sister-in-law went to get changed, she asked me how close I was with my false twin. I told her that we were kinda close, but I hadn’t spoken to her as much in recent months. She told me they had a falling out from the business side of things, but she told me that the whole thing plus all of conversations inspired her to go back for a masters degree in our occupational field. I told her that she had inspired me to pick myself back up when I failed my first semester back in school (she inspired me to go back to school as well). She had a big smile on her face, and without saying a word, walked over and hugged me. I guess I was still kinda closed off because I was about to let go, but she didn’t let go. So, I finally leaned into it. I don’t know what happened there, but I felt something change. We went to that folk night, and she sat pretty close to me for most of the night. She introduced me to some of her friends there. I got a bit overstimulated, but I had a great time. The next night was one things took a bad turn.
I had a dream where I was telling her part of the spiritual aspect of why I ran the first time and just regarding why I am the way that I am around here. In the dream, we were in her car (this will come up in a moment). When it came time to see our friends, she and her brother came to pick me up. Immediately upon entering, I had the worst anxiety I’ve had in a long time. I ran away from them once they lost sight of me because I had a panic attack. I was about to take a Lyft 2 hours home because I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t explain why I was so anxious because nothing was wrong on the surface. She tried calling me, but I didn’t call back until I cooled off enough. I told her where to meet me, and I had the same conversation with her that we had in my dream, just in a different setting. I told her that was I considering running again, and she asked what I needed from her. I held back. I just wanted her love, her touch, her heart, but romance was never something we tried due to her own personal issues with love. All I said was that I needed her to listen. After a bit more talking, she said that she was stuck with me and that I was stuck with her. She told me that she’d only leave if I did something stupid, and when I asked her to define something stupid, she presented me with a literal impossible scenario. We went inside eventually, and I felt dead inside. Spiritually, physically, mentally, I was drained. She got me a beer to loosen me up, but it only worked for a moment. I took a few days of space from her. She called my best friend because she was worried about losing me. We later spoke about this, and it seemed like everything was fine between us. I apologized for my end of things because I didn’t mean for her to get hurt or to be worried about our friendship.
About two weeks later, I went to a memorial service for my false twin’s father. I told my twin about it, and she encouraged me to go. A little bit later that day, my ex-husband showed up at my house to visit my parents (divorce was amicable and he had a good relationship with my parents). I told my twin about this, and it was like her demeanor completed changed. I don’t know what happened, but she felt a bit cold after that. I went to the service where my false twin’s best friend was, and when I told my twin about it, she told me that she didn’t like her either. When I asked why, she informed me it was also about the business falling out she had with my false twin. The next morning, she told me that she was glad that I went to my false twin’s memorial service for her father and that I was a good friend for going. We only spoke really once after that. I asked her if she was going to see one of the bands we’re friends with on Halloween. She told me she couldn’t because of business, and then I went to speak with her a bit about our business dealings, and she just completely stopped talking to me. I wasn’t too worried at first because she is a very busy person, but as the holidays went by and I heard nothing from her at all, I started wondering where I went wrong. A few weeks ago, I noticed anything associated with our business dealings was gone from her social media. She never spoke with me about anything. It sent me into a panic while I was at my day job. I texted her saying that I had some things I wanted to say to her and asked if we could call. She told me texting was better, which is weird because she always made time to call before. So, I texted her an apology for what happened in October again, this time with more depth. She never responded. She started looking at my Instagram stories with more frequency, and I started getting more signs and synchronicities from the divine and the universe, but nothing more in the 3D.
During this whole journey, my life completely changed. I have a steady day job that I can handle until I can get my dream job off the ground (which is what we were working on). My car broke down on my way to pick up my false twin flame and I ended up getting a new car. I started getting my health issues under control. I still need work on the health and exercise parts, but I’m in a much better place than I was when she and I first met (chronic pain is no joke). I started going out more, spending time with my brother and some of his friends. I went to back to old hobbies I loved and found new hobbies. I stopped all drugs and kicked my other addictions. I’ve done a 180 in my life and stopped being passive about things. I am now taking charge of my own life while also working with the divine and the universe to understand when and where to place my energy and when/where to pull back. I’ve gone back to being a person I’m okay with being. I wouldn’t say I’m happy, but I finally learned to co-exist with the pain and the sadness I feel during separation without letting it consume me. I’m now taking the extra steps to get my dream career off the ground without her around. I have faith that she will return, but until then, I have to keep moving. I accept that I messed up with running the first time and then almost running again in October.
I still wonder why her tone shifted after I mentioned my ex-husband came over to visit my parents. She never once admitted to having romantic feelings for me. So, I didn’t think it would matter. I was opening up and trying to share about something wild that happened in my life. If anyone has any insight on that part of my story, any words would be appreciated.
Anyway, I know this was super long, but thanks for reading. I don’t really know why I’m posting this. I think I just want to be heard. I also have other signs and synchronicities that I didn’t mention. If anyone is curious, let me know and I’ll share them. Sorry for the grammatical mess. I typed this with minimal editing.
