I’m sorry for a long story…
Me and my TF (?) met for the first time 17 years ago. I was dating someone else but didn’t know where I had him so started to look for others. Met my TF. We dated for a couple of months, but I couldn’t quite forget the 1st person so ended up going back to him.. and lived familylife for 15 years. Never really forgetting my TF, looking him up on FB and needed the gossip from a mutual friend. Well under these 15 years I’ve done a huge personal development and spiritual journey. Ended with me starting to set healthy boundaries and left my 1st person 2 years ago. Been living alone with my kids since then and focusing on myself and the kids.
So… in february I met my TF again when me and our friend had a glas on the restaurant where he works. Total chemistry and he added me on FB a couple of weeks later. Started to “poke” me but didn’t initiate anything else. I were the one that started to talk. From the start I thought I could keep it casual and said that I didn’t want anything between us to go “public” because I didn’t want the drama with my baby-daddy (who HATES my TF even if they have never met).
My TF said he had just started to date someone (a girl married to a husband with alzheimers… oh come on!) but “I didn’t intervene anything”. But very soon I went from casual to feeling run over by a train. You know the song “Fever Dream” by Alex Warren? Exactly like that. Ended up sharing a Coffee and a couple of kisses. My God. It felt like he woke me up, like I hade been hybernating for YEARS. I could not think of anything else. But only a few days later I felt a distance and that he was more into the one he was dating so I told him straight up that maybe he was just supposed to “wake me up” but I could feel that he was more into her so I needed to take a step back. Ok, he said, I think you’re right. And I tried my best to keep a distance. But ended up going to his restaurant again 2 weeks later. My God the chemistry.. again.. Ok.. back to talking. Back to him taking up my entire day (well… he never actually left 
). But the same story again.. I feel so strongly that no… this is not the time. I WANT him, but not this way. I want ALL of him. I want him to choose me and me alone. Not like this. At the same time I feel it so strong that we are NOT done. It’s hard to explain but I guess you understand. Have you seen the movie “It ends with us”? I don’t think I have to say anything else..
So well.. ended up taking a step back again. This time I do really try with “No contact”. Even if he still is among the first to look at my every story..
But yesterday he went from “single” to “in a relationship”.. 
Broke my heart… but after a while it actually feels a bit calmer, at least I know where we currently stand and I am NOT going to go to his restaurant in the nearest future.
But I do feel schizofrenic… going from I just KNOW he is my person, to FU… back to knowing that he will return.. back to FU, you don’t care.. but deep down I still know he does.. and that he will return… someday.. I hope.
So.. what do you think… Is he my TF?
Forgot to say… during this period, from the end of March to now my heart has gone haywire with palpataions, heavy pressure that comes and goes and what I only can describe as heart chakra vibrations.. after this No contact separation it’s starting to feel better again (I have a doctors appointment in two of weeks). And when he sat there and talked about his teenage crush on his date, the only thing I could think was “the way I feel about you is WAY deeper than teenage tingles”)
