It can always feel like a difference to us, but runners behave differently from chasers. They perceive things differently, too. Sometimes their choices can feel like they’re trying to make things worse or harder, but half the time, I don’t think they can explain their own choices to themselves. The rest of the time, they tend to think they’re doing the right thing, but they’re making decisions with only 10% of the information.
If remember that… It’s hard to blame them.
The runner is most likely deep in a denial phase. They have free will and they’re using it to put everything on hold because the intensity of the connection is overwhelming them. The depth of it feels triggering. During this time, they’re also working through their own shadow stuff around vulnerability and communication and personal space - all of that getting lived through by both counterparts at the same time.
Sometimes listening to runners talk about what it felt like… I think I am glad I was a chaser. I don’t think either side gets an easy ride but at least I had some understanding of what was happening. Beats flailing around wildly in the dark.