I have noticed this week I have reached true surrender. I never thought this would happen as I thought I was there, then I would start obsessing, chatting to AI, googling synchronicities. Then today I realised I am completely calm. I’m not obsessing, or get anxious over social media posts.
This feeling is surreal it’s feeling like I did before we met, yet still loving him. I don’t feel any strong emotion such as hate, jealousy, anger, I just love him unconditionally but at the same time not the crazed obsessive way I felt in the beginning.
Does everyone feel like this?
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understand what you’re talking about. I have always, however, felt a sense of peace — both in the relationship and during separation (not that there weren’t moments of anxiety, anger, etc., but the underlying layer has been peace since I met him). The same continued during the first separation and now the second one.
The difference between the two separations is that in the first one my focus was on him — I constantly felt him, missed him, and imagined our reunion. This separation is completely different. The focus is on me, on integrating everything I’ve learned, and it all happens quite spontaneously. In the first separation I actively worked on myself (therapy, somatic work, constellations), while in this one I’m not doing any of that — things are just naturally falling into place. It feels like my love for him is bringing me back to myself.
There are days when I feel sad, and also moments of anger and anxiety, but at no point do I feel the need to have him at any cost or an urge to reach out. The love is there and it feels eternal, but whether we ever live it depends on whether he finds stability within himself and comes to me from that place. Everything else would just be the beginning of a new cycle.
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