Twin Flame or Am I just obsessed after a breakup and needing to let go?

Met my DM on a cruise of all places. We met the first night, felt a magnetic pull and attraction, like we were old friends and spent every night of that 7 day cruise together. We’re from two separate countries and cross-country, so we were always long distance, which was expensive but I quickly started to try to immigrate to him. We were together a year and I still hadn’t been able to move to him. The majority of the year was in tune, best friend, extreme chemistry connection, but always in short spurts. We bonded with each other’s kids, I loved his family and they loved me, my family that got to meet him liked him a lot but were never happy with the idea of me moving to another country. He is still in a years long divorce where he found out he’d be paying her 3x more than he originally thought, so stress went up, I was vocal about my fears of leaving my stable life to move to financial instability and chaos. He got depressed, I got depressed, it’s like we mirrored each other’s low vibes. We triggered each other’s pain and insecurities, fought more, he pulled away and I lost myself and became more anxiously attached which showed up as needy in a long distance relationship. Our last visit to each other, he was over-sensitive to everything I said and I felt disrespected or like I was trying harder for the relationship while he pulled away. We mutually decided to break up but now I don’t want it and he’s staying firm. It’s killing me, I feel like I lost myself in this relationship and now I’ve lost my best friend and love, I’m trying to bring my energy back into myself but my brain is still obsessed with fixing it, thinking about him all the time. He told his kids it’s over, he’s told me we need to move on and we can’t fix it, and he’s convinced himself there’s nothing here worth saving. He agreed to be platonic friends and only answers in cold, short responses but still likes my Facebook posts, has asked I don’t refer to anything from when we were together, and just wants time and space. So I’m giving it to him. I’m just confused. Is this a twin flame separation and I need to be patient or is this guy gone forever and I just need to get over it? I’ve never felt like I’ve had a twin flame before, soulmate yes, but nothing like this. I miss him so much.

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Age old question and I’m afraid I have both the least satisfying answer and the most useful one at the same time. Because your action is the same now, whether they are your twin or not.

The way you describe mirroring each other’s low vibes and triggering each other is certainly twin flame territory, but nobody else is going to be able to tell you for sure on just a forum post.

His being this firm about ending it while you’re still holding on creates this energetic push-pull that actually keeps you both stuck. When you said you lost yourself in the relationship, that really stood out. Twin flame or not, that pattern needs healing.

The cold responses while still liking your posts? Classic protective mechanism. He’s trying to create distance because the connection probably scares him. But you can’t wait around for him to process his stuff.

Start focusing on getting yourself back. Not to get him back, but for YOU. The obsessive thoughts will ease up once you address whatever got triggered in you during this whole thing. If it’s meant to reconnect, it will - but only when you’re both in a better energetic space.

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This question has been asked time and time again on the old forum (and I’m sure it’ll be asked again here on the new one).

You might want to read this thread because the reality is nobody can tell you if this is your twin flame or not just based on that. What @Cassady said is right - that’s probably the best advice either way.

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His firmness about ending things might actually be helping you in ways you don’t see yet. When someone creates such clear boundaries while we’re still holding on, it can show us something about ourselves we need to look at.

This is where a lot of people just get stuck in separation for years on end because they’re not able to look at what is being mirrored.

You might want to read the guide on speeding up twin flame union. Realistically, most people won’t even last long enough to make it through the guide and they’ll either give up or they’re not really twin flames, it’s just limerance.

If you’re honestly able to take some of the advice in this thread (and I mean really look at what you need to work on), then they might actually be your twin flame. You can use tools like the free twin flame reading on TFC to help work through the early awakening stage.

I think maybe we pin this thread. There’s not a lot that really needs to be said other than nobody else can really tell you for sure.

The harsh reality is… you’re probably not a twin flame. It’s incredibly rare. Just the harsh truth of it.

That’s not to say you aren’t one. You might well belong here but that requires looking at what you need to do, not what they have or haven’t done.

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Just wanted to share what helped me figure out the difference between obsession and actual twin flame stuff.

The basic idea is that obsessive attachments create these heavy, draining cords between people. Twin flame connections supposedly have a lighter quality that feels freeing when you stop clinging to them.

I had confirm my TF connection is real just the other day from my TF. You are correct in that this does sound like a classic anxious/avoidant attachment relationship. Everyone else is correct that no one else can provide the answer, but I do understand you are seeking clues as to how to discern what you’re dealing with. I’ve been through this, full throttle, looking for any and all clues, prior to confirm.

From my research, most twin flames do not know about twin flames until they began experienced things real life could not explain. For me, I had a kundalini awakening at the precise moment I “woke up” to our connection, and as a previously agnostic person, it was undeniably something I’d never experienced before. From what I’ve read, that Spiritual Awakening is the most accurate sign. There were tons of signs and clues, but I didn’t know if it was my own brain creating a “storyline” about us or not. And I can look back now and say another big sign is that no matter how much I forced myself to get away from believing in it, how much I tried to forget him, how much I told myself it couldn’t be true, somewhere deep down I just knew it was. I also began to develop pretty intense telepathy over time with him. I don’t hear or see anything, it’s a strange energetic “knowing”. I also feel him affect my chakras. I have also seen often that if you were already in a relationship with your twin, they are likely not your twin, unless it was very short lived. However everyone has their own journey custom fit to them by the Universe, and that could look like anything.

Regardless of the truth, I would research anxious/avoidant situations and work on your own attachment issues. As you heal, I believe you’ll reach new clarity on what’s going on :heart:

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Fellow empath here. When I get those intense obsession waves, I go barefoot on my cold kitchen floor. Something about the temperature shock helps.

I think a lot of people wind up here because social media hypes it up but we see people join and then never show up again. That’s how the old forum was anyway.

So.. I guess the answer is “We’ll see!”

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I really feel you on this. :heart:

I know some of the advice here looks harsh but the old forum (and any twin flame community really) gets this question over and over again multiple times a day. I think a lot of the times they were just deleted after a while.

It’s not easy but neither is the journey. If you’ve just broken up then statistically you’re probably not a twin flame, you’re just hurting.

That doesn’t mean your pain isn’t valid but it just means you’ll get over it. Twin flames in separation have the opposite, it only gets more painful until we figure it out.

Looking at this through soul contracts, it seems like there’s a delay clause happening because of money issues and moving fears. Since we have free will, you could write up an amendment instead of just waiting around. I’d write a letter asking for healing first, then maybe reconnecting after a set time to either get closure or try again. Address it to both your Higher Selves, burn a copy, then make sure your actions match what you wrote. If you did this, what date would you pick for checking back in? That way the energy between you two gets resolved one way or another.

Social media is basically feeding your addiction to this guy. Just mute his name everywhere, hide his stories, and archive your chats. Turn off read receipts too. If you’re into tarot, limit yourself to one reading a week max. Watch how fast the obsession fades when you’re not constantly seeing reminders.

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