Anyone else deep in the dark night stretch? There’s so much conflicting advice and information about what this could even mean for twin flames and it’s hard. Even when you know what it is and you know union is on the other side of it.
Maybe we all have different experiences of this, what does the DNOTS mean for you and your journey?
Confused by the runner-chaser dynamic? Get clarity with your personalized Twin Flame reading. Unlimited Tarot spreads to dig into your twin flame journey.
I genuinely thought I’d had my DNOTS. Nothing like. The false twin and karmics were painful enough, but nothing prepared me for the pain of dealing with my real unhealed twin.
Dear God.
Work made it a hundred times worse, as we met there. It’s affected his career, my career, and we are both bruised and bloodied from our interactions. We are in separation now, and a good thing too. We both have work to do on ourselves and healing to accomplish.
Long story short, I’m still in mine and dark is definitely the word. It permeates your entire life.
For me, dnots came up multiple times throughout my life before and during meeting my TF.
It would get so bad I’d feel like “getting rid of” myself. It wasn’t until I met my TF that the working through it and healing started ramping up though, along with the spiritual growth. It was mostly the feeling of not being good enough and issues with never being fully independent and the embarrassment from that. I’ve still got work to do, but I’ve come a long way 
each time it hits it usually lasts for several days, sometimes one.
My understanding is that twin flame separation commonly is a catalyst for the dark night of the soul.
Yip, I’m in my dark night. It’s opened me right up, forced me to sit in solitude with all of my stuff and deal with it. This includes living with how I feel about my twin and missing her terribly every day. Various aspects of my life majorly altered or removed. Friends vanished or drifted away. I think the main thing is the dark night is ultimately about change for the better.
Separating in 2021 activated it, though I didn’t realise at the time. It wasn’t until about a year ago I understood what was going on. It’s been a textbook dark night, based on the extensive reading I’ve done on the subject.
Such a rollercoaster of emotions. Not for the faint of heart and as the saying goes, “the only way out is through”.
Honestly, I had a huge mental breakdown. 
I think I’m through the worst of it now, just kind of picking up the pieces. I know it is part of the process and something I think all if not most twin flames have to go through but I don’t know that it makes it any easier.
Does the wound-tending part eventually get easier, or is this just what it is for a while?
The wound-tending does get easier, but in waves, not a straight line. What helped me most was leaning into the inner connection during that picking-up-the-pieces phase. I started getting clear communication with my twin in meditation, and a few really vivid dreams where we’d talk through things we never could in the 3D. It didn’t take the pain away, but gave me this quiet reassurance that the bond was still alive underneath all the rubble.
So yes, you’re picking up pieces, but you’re also being shown which ones actually belong to you. That part gets gentler over time, I promise.
The path’s really about discovering our true nature. You can’t come into union with your twin before you’ve been to inner union and that means you need to get through your Dark Night of the Soul. The ego purging is brutal, I’m not gonna lie, but I’m starting to see it might actually be leading somewhere good. Shedding that illusion might be exactly what needs to happen.
I know of at least one couple that went through DNOTs and it was really rough looking but afterward the two of them were back together. I think maybe the trap there might be people trying to force it to happen when you’re not ready though. Have to avoid that.
I think I just hit the don’ts wall. Barely functioning. I have never experienced lows like this before… (and I thought I knew what rock bottom was). I think if I knew how to quit I probably would, but the only way I know to get through it is to go through it.
Finally on the other side of it. Honestly, the things that got me through were so simple I probably wouldn’t have taken the advice if I was given it but here goes. Spending time outside, just being in nature without any agenda. And meditation, not the guided stuff, just sitting with whatever came up. Those two things became my anchors when everything else felt chaotic.
If you’re going through the dark night of the soul right now.
If we’re talking real darkness. The kind that doesn’t lift when you distract yourself and follows you into sleep, I want to tell you one thing first.
This might (at least) be one of the biggest confirmations there is.
I know that’s the fear. I think everyone who’s really been through this journey has gone through it.
The journey is full of doubt. Questions. Mixed information and advice. And somewhere under the pain there’s a quieter, more humiliating worry: what if I made the whole thing up? You’ve probably turned that question over more times than you’d admit to anyone. Maybe even yourself.
And while the dark night is brutal at adding more weight and hardship on top of an already difficult journey.
But if I might offer one smaller glimmer of good news when you’re going through DNOTS is that a false twin flame won’t trigger this. People always ask how to know if someone is your twin flame. Doubt is a normal part of the journey we all go through and we’d be crazy not to question it. Knowing there’s a level of confirmation here won’t take all the hardship away - but it might help a little.
As much as it sucks, this part of the journey serves a purpose and a false connection cannot bring you here. The dark night of the soul is a stage a karmic or counterfeit connection can never reach, and standing in it isn’t evidence that something went wrong, it’s evidence that something is real.
A karmic partner or an intense infatuation that looks like the real thing early on has a ceiling. They can be euphoric and break your heart, but they run out of fuel.
These connections operate on the surface of you. When the circumstances shift, the chemistry cools, the person disappoints you in some ordinary way, and the connection just ends. It was never built to take you anywhere deeper than the feeling itself, and it cannot dismantle you.
The dark night isn’t about the other person at all, it’s the stage where everything you thought you knew about love and yourself, and about how the universe is supposed to work, gets blown apart and doesn’t come back the same. A false connection can hurt you, but it can’t remake you. Only a true twin flame goes that deep.
I’m not telling you to be grateful for the pain. The pain is real, and it’s allowed to be unbearable. But it does mean it’s working for your greater good.
The people who chase infatuations their whole lives don’t have dark nights of the soul over them. They feel the high and the crash, then move on. The crash hurts, but it doesn’t unmake them. You were unmade. The depth of what you’re going through sits in direct proportion to the depth of what connects you.
The doubt that arrives right when you’re at your lowest travels with the darkness for a reason. A genuinely delusional person never questions her delusion. The fact that part of you resists something this impossible is exactly what a grounded, intelligent person does with an experience too big for the usual words.
You’re not in the dark night because something went wrong, you’re here because it was always real enough to take you this deep, and the connection that brought you this far doesn’t end in the dark.
Echoing what Cassady wrote, and speaking also as someone who met her 1000% twin flame (we had a spontaneous, spirit marriage on 11/11/11) - I had been going through a dark night of the soul since my teens, due to severe childhood trauma, but it really amped up around, and after, the time we met and separated. He had a brief period of his own, when we were together. But it’s just colossal for me, and I’m only now, painfully slowly, learning to function again, without any family and barely with any friends, and my entire worldview has shifted. My dark night of the soul serves a separate purpose, which is shamanic initiation (it was with my tf, that I discovered that my path would be of The Wounded Healer, but it took me 5 years to actually hear “The Call”.) It was so bad for the past 10 years, I had a soul family member pop up into my life and guide me through it, just so that I wouldn’t take my life, or something like that. It’s like spirits are doing everything possible to get us back to each other in one piece. Neither one of us was the runner or chaser, really.
And with our relationship, our TF dark night of the soul is total and complete separation, save for only telepathic communication. This will be for about 20 more years, from everything I know about my future. As I will go through healing, rebirth, self-mastery, self-actualization, a long-term relationship with another major soulmate… My TF will have a family and a child or children. But in the end, we will be married (I reckon, in my 60s - I’ll be a super late bloomer), brought together to do something for the greater good. We both feel it.
We had a recent, telepathic “checkpoint,” after 13 years of zero communication. I was audibly singing some songs that represent our connection and meeting, for example, Magnetic Man’s Perfect Stranger. Music plays a major part for us. He -felt- it. It awakened active telepathy, and though I was aglow with love for several days, I ended up weeping that 13 years had already passed without us seeing or talking to one another, and that many more years awaited. I could feel that he felt it too, or was crying alongside me. Some of the worst pain out there, and I’ve known so much pain and suffering.
Hope this helps someone
Hi I just started my dark night today it’s happening now. Was fun going a walk with my friend and having to explain why I wasn’t “acting myself” when myself doesn’t exist.
If anyone else has Spotify Premium, there is an audiobook by Fiona Robertson that I discovered this week - “The Dark Night of the Soul: From Absence to Presence.” The author reads it herself, and her voice is unbelievablysoothing and encouraging.
Quote: “Self-knowledge and wisdom are forged in the embodiment of pain, in a way that cannot be taught.”
My twin is a Pisces. That water sign overlap makes this phase feel especially intense. The emotions roll in like waves and I end up feeling everything at once. The body started rejecting coffee, anything heavy, too, which never happened before. Had to switch to simple meals (boring but necessary) just to keep my energy steady through the rough patches.
Third or fourth dark night for me now, losing count. Anyone else find oracle cards actually help during these cycles? Same ones keep coming up, self-worth and inner child stuff. At this point, I’m done accepting less than I deserve; the cards just keep confirming it.
No maybe here. No one has the same issues or pain and damage. No one. You don’t need advice on how to face your own demons. Stop looking for answers only you have. The only answers you need….. just do it. Do the work. Love yourself. Or learn to. This is your journey. it does not belong to your twin or anyone else. Everyone should do this. Not for a relationship but for yourself. Do what feels right for you. I wish everyone would just take some time away from here and out there. You will never find yourself if you keep looking outward for help. Out toward others who have no clue about you or your life. Keep it between you, your higher self and your God or whoever you look to. Look for tools that work for you. plenty of help here and this is a safe place. But the knitty gritty part of this. Im sorry to say, you are on your own if you plan on moving forward with this journey. If you want it to go on for years like all the rest of them then that’s your choice. They are all your choices. Please just sit with this for a minute. I mean no harm. I just know what works and what doesn’t.
The only way through DNOTS is non-resistance and surrender. Meditate and stay present.
You’re being left alone to face yourself. No one can hold your hand forever while you learn to walk.
My mentor always says the dark night strips you down before it rebuilds you. That’s exactly what happened.
Lost my mind completely. Wife left for rehab. Came home to chaos that I had to claw my way through. Ended up in some dark places. Twice. But I came back as myself. The person I was before is still here. It just took time to find him again.
