From what I’ve seen over the years, the runner is usually trying to stuff everything down and pretend it’s not happening because they’re full of anxiety and fear. They’re confused, disoriented, anxious, hurt, lonely, and overwhelmed all at once. A lot of them (possibly even all or most) can’t even name what’s going on. I think in some cases they’re not even aware enough to know that there’s something big, and they manage to just constantly stick their head in the sand. Usually by keeping themselves distracted and that can lead to some… strange life choices on their part.
The regret is real and doesn’t just show up at the end. They might be regretting it at every step. There’s guilt for the pain they’re causing you, guilt for what they’re doing to themselves, and the feeling that they can’t fix any of it. Runners are often plagued by the thought that you might move on, even after they left. No, that’s not f-ing logical, but they are stuck with the illogical of it as well.
There are a couple of runners or ex-runners around who have shared their experiences. I do think if chasers took a moment to really try and understand what the runners go through it might make it a lot better for the collective as a whole. It sure isn’t one-sided, even when it feels that way.
Some useful (and related) threads: