I understand how hard this is. Sometimes the bad behavior during separation isn’t really about us - they’re just hitting their own rock bottom. Your DM might have been spiraling through their own crisis, and the ghosting and boundary-crossing wasn’t a calculated move to hurt you. Sometimes people need to fall apart before they can rebuild themselves. That doesn’t excuse the pain they caused you, but understanding why can help.
Here’s what helped me: let go of trying to control their process or their choices. You can only control your own healing and whether you choose to understand their side when they’re ready to share it.
Forgiveness starts when you can both talk about what happened - not just apologize, but actually understand how your actions affected each other. If your DM has done the inner work and can show you they get what they put you through, that’s when real healing can start. But you both have to be willing to see each other’s pain, not just your own.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting or putting up with bad behavior again. It means letting go of the resentment so you can move forward.