I hear you, and I respect where you are right now. Sometimes what feels like giving up is actually the beginning of something deeper.
My coach told me something that really stuck with me. She said that the moment you truly release the need for a specific outcome is often the moment the energy shifts in ways you never expected. She wasn’t saying it to give me false hope, she was saying it because clinging to someone who isn’t showing up for you isn’t love, it’s self-abandonment.
So if this is your moment of choosing yourself, then that might be the most powerful thing you could do right now. Whether he comes back or not isn’t really the point anymore. The point is that you’re no longer willing to put your life on hold for someone who isn’t meeting you where you are. And that takes real strength.
I never thought I would get to the point I am right now. But here I am. For years I have held hope, positivity and patience in my heart. But after he reappeared on my birthday until now, I realised that I deserve so much more than the breadcrumbs he has been offering me. I am worthy of a love that shows up and whose words match their actions.
Five months ago, his return was all I wished for. Just to hear him say he misses me. That it was not all in my head. But now that he is back, I realised this half life is not at all what I imagined it would be. Until he does the work, and goes through his own journey of healing, I cannot and will not settle for less than I deserve
I sent him a text yesterday asking him to call me because I need to talk to him. If he does not respond by March 3 (which coincidentally is the same night of the eclipse where I am), then. I choose me. I am going to do what I never thought I would do. And that is walk away. It is going to hurt and burn a hole in my soul. But I need to do this for me.
I think about it a lot, it’s like I have enough with my TF. At some point, I feel that our TF own a karmic’s behaviour or energy, whether it’s related to us or amplified because we act as mirror to them. But, as understandable we are to them, or as tolerable we are, there would be some point we’ll have enough. And, that’s eventually when we put boundaries, not for them, but for ourselves.
And, I’ll say that it’s okay to do that, it’s okay to move forward by ourselves. It doesn’t mean we are giving up the journey. But, if holding this version of them do a lot more damage than letting go, for me, I prefer to let my hold go. I prefer to choose myself over and over again.
It’s not like all thoughts of him magically disappeared. I keep thinking of him in the background. I still wake up from my sleeps, from my naps, thinking about him. But, I feel lighter because I know that I could look away, and feeling fine doing it.
I don’t want anyone else either. That’s the part that terrifies me. Because if this doesn’t work out, then what? I just… exist? With this hole? I know people say focus on yourself and that’s supposed to be the point, but some days that answer feels so empty when all you want is to be chosen back.
The focus on yourself is a very big part of this. I already notice people around me reacting differently since I started the inner work. Your TF has to notice.
It’s been crazy. I just gave up and now I’m just in limbo. I know he is coming back now. I always did. We have already been in union for this whole time really. We never had any real separations until this last one. A doozy!!! Living together and just bam!!! Gone. No contact. My first ever broken heart. Now, I just know. I kind of don’t really care about the how. The when has been tough because I feel its soon. But I am just existing in some sort of unemotional bubble that I can’t escape. I hardly want to be around people these days. I have too many friends as it is and I’m trying to pair that down a little. I remember something from my catholic days. Purgatory. Thats exactly where I am right now. Not a great place to be but not a horrible one either. The only good part is I am finally sleeping. It’s been five months of no sleep and it has taken a toll. So cheers to sleep. I couldn’t be more grateful.
If you’re exhausted because you’ve been obsessing, controlling, and chasing? The work is to redirect that energy inward. If you’re exhausted even after doing inner work and releasing attachment? Your system might just need physical rest and grounding.
If the thought of walking away brings relief? That’s fear talking.
If it brings peace without resentment? You might actually be approaching real surrender. The feeling itself isn’t the answer. It’s what’s underneath it.
Separation between twins is eternal - whether you’re physically together in this life almost becomes beside the point. The unconditional love piece is really about yourself anyway. Honor your own soul process fully, with or without them present.
I hear this and I know it’s true on some level, but I think I’m just not at the point yet where I can fully lean into that mindset. Like, I still have so much unresolved stuff from my childhood that I haven’t even scratched the surface of, and I feel like until I work through that, I can’t really show up for this journey properly anyway. And honestly, my mental health has been so fragile lately that I’m not sure diving deeper into the spiritual side of things would even be safe for me right now. I think I need to stabilize myself first before I can handle any more awakening or healing layers.
Plus, my life circumstances are just chaotic at the moment - work is draining me, I’m dealing with family stuff, and I barely have the bandwidth to take care of basic things let alone do deep inner work. I keep telling myself that once things settle down externally, I’ll be in a better position to really commit to the healing. I know that sounds like an excuse but it genuinely feels like the timing isn’t right for me to go all in on this. Maybe I need to sort out the 3D mess before I can handle the 5D one.
I’m not giving up exactly, I’m just… not ready yet. And I think that’s okay? At least I hope it is.
This is why no contact during separation matters so much. When you keep checking their socials, texting now and then, or hanging around where they might show up, you waste your energy on them instead of yourself. Inner work only takes hold when you commit to stepping back and let the silence work.
No contact is not punishment or a tactic to make them miss you. It gives you room to focus on yourself without their pull distracting you every other day. You cannot heal a wound you keep reopening.
They notice. Real inner work in that space of zero contact shifts your energy, and it ripples out even if you do not plan it. That is how these connections operate. The shift must be authentic, and authenticity needs distance.
