It’s interesting to chance upon this topic, but this is a good as time as any to reflect on my journey so far.
Self love - Learning to love myself fully and completely, flaws and all. Learning that my imperfections are what makes me special and that I have my own quiet power inside myself. Learning to stand up for myself in situations (especially with regards to work). Learning to be confident in myself, my skills and what I bring to the table. Learning that my unique traits are what makes me, me.
Relinquishing control - I have always been somewhat of a control freak, being in the passenger’s seat gives me anxiety. And when I am not in control, I spiral. I put people into a box, corner them, give them ultimatums hoping to achieve my own selfish goals. I realised that on this journey, I am definitely not in control. And I have learnt the joys of allowing the universe to guide me and the beauty of divine timing.
Patience - This one is ironic given the nature of my job. I am a pastry chef, and you’d think that someone in my position would be patient given the time it takes to, for example, bake a cake, or waiting for a mousse to set. I am always in a rush, I always want to know what the ending is. But, like baking a cake, delicious and beautiful things take time. And I am learning to take that time
The beauty of the Universe - When I was younger, I believed in fairy tales, in mystical beings, and something greater than myself. I believed in miracles, and magic…I am whimsical in nature. But somewhere along the way, I got lost. I lost that part of myself. And because of this journey, I found it again. I found it in the language of the Universe. In the signs and synchronicities I am sent daily. And I am grateful for the reminders. They use to bring me frustration and anxiety, but now, they are a constant reminder that…I am on this journey for a reason
Wounds - Mostly from my childhood. Ones that I thought were long buried, forgotten and tucked away. I realised I have never truly forgiven the people I needed to forgive. I held so much anger and pain in my heart. I am still on the journey to fully release all of this
And most importantly…
Unconditional love - How is it possible to be reunited with one’s first love after 22 years, and to feel for exactly the same as you felt for them when you were 17. Even though life happened in between, we led our separate lives. Meeting him again was, as he put it…it was like coming home. Then to go through so many separations/no contact after our reconnection, and now being separated by an ocean and not seeing each other for nearly 2 years. My love for him still feels the same as when we reconnected on 17 July 2023, and even though sometimes I doubt it, I know without a doubt that he still feels the same about me. He ran, he kept away, and kept silent. But I know now that these periods of silence were as hard on him as they were on me. We just processed it differently
I still don’t know where this journey will take us. I don’t know if we will reach union. But I do know that the thought of him still warms my heart…makes my heart skip a beat. I do know that the day I am able to gaze upon his face again, we would both undoubtedly end up in tears. But, these are things I look forward to in the future. And I am walking forward with positivity and love in my heart. 