Hello, guys.
I’m a new member that hopped over from Twin Flame Forum, and it’s the first time I write a post here. I’m not going into a lengthy explanation or story. Right now, I’m in a separation and no contact for over a year, and it’s my second separation, of course I hope it’s for the last☺️. Usually, when I’m posting something, it mean that I need to rant about some stuff or and need some encouragement.
We know that we already pass last month eclipse season, and I won’t lie that I feel awful during that periode, mentally and physically. But, actually I got a lot of lesson and growth, too. I think that after those windows, maybe stuff will get much easier or lighter, and it actually happens for maybe a week or two. Then, the energy change again.
Last week, as a homeroom teacher, I had a field trip for three days to another city with my students. The trip is fun, the students get a lot of knowledge. We had enough rest, honestly I feel fulfiled, grounded, and overall feeling very good myself. But, somehow, I feel some weird pull since early of the week. I could sense a sadness and restlessness, something heavy in my heart chakra, and it is getting worse during the trip, and yes! Of course I think about my TF whenever I observe those feeling.
The peak of this situation happens at friday night, I have a totally weird dream about us. In the dream, I see three peoples, a man and two women. The first woman is me. I can’t recognize the second woman, but I think she is a lot of mature than me, a decade or so. The man, I recognize as my TF, he is a lot of mature, too (My TF actually 5 years younger than I do). We have a very different look. From the faces, the vibes, the overall energy, it’s totally different. Within the dreamscape, I and my TF are in a committed relationship, it’s not clear whether it’s a marriage or not, and I could feel that there is life growing within me. But, I am worrying, has an apprehensions toward the second woman. She is kind of lurking in the background, always within our orbit, keeping tabs on us, and I could feel her hostility. I fear that in a moment of impulse she could endanger me and this one inside me. The “me” that observed this dream, the one who watch the dream with lucidity wondering what did I and my TF do to her that deserve those action. I even has this wild assumption, that maybe I destroyed her life.
As weird and wild this dream is, as suddenly it is over and I woke up, not wake up with wonder but I woke up with extremely craving, high sexual energy toward my TF (I said it, I am embarrassed because I said it 
) and spend that precious saturday, crying a whole day, can’t put a finger on the reason of that tears, grounding myself so hard because of the “need”, and cry again because it’s futile. Don’t asked me how the tears stop, it’s just stop abruptly.
And I really want to do this to my TF:
And scream at his ear, “WTH, get a grip on yourself!! I don’t like it at all!!!”
No, actually I just want to jump him. Oh, God. It’s embarrassing and annoying at the same time.
Till this morning, I still wake up craving my TF, thankfully not as bad as last saturday.
I know it’s not as important, but I want to let it out from my chest. Thank you for your attention, guys. I still have no idea what that dream means, or why I woke up in that energy. I just let my self feel all the emotion, and do my activity as mindfully as possible.