I’ve been trying to understand the runner’s perspective because I feel like it holds a missing piece. I think we have a couple of people who are (or were) runners and maybe we could do a thread where we do some questions and answers?
Would really appreciate it, I’m sure a lot of other people would too.
And if you’ve already come into union, I would love to hear what your partner has said about their time as the runner. What finally changed for them? How long did that shift take?
Confused by the runner-chaser dynamic? Get clarity with your personalized Twin Flame reading. Unlimited Tarot spreads to dig into your twin flame journey.
If nothing else, my twin agreed to answer any questions but I think we do have a couple of runners around here.
I would like to know how much they really understand about the TF journey.
how much they really understand about the TF journey
I can’t speak for all runners (of course), but I think in the earlier stages we already know on some level the same way a chaser does but it takes us a little longer to be conscious of it.
Do they worry about what other people think?
Tricky…
Again I can’t answer for all runners but my own experience and assumptions of others.
I would say they don’t really care but runners often find a reason that sounds plasusible and latch onto it. For some this is going to be the expectations of society, family or friends.
They’re not intentionally lying to you about it, because they’re lying to themselves so much that they probably believe it themselves.
The explosive passion is exactly what makes me run. Still working on why it triggers me so much whether that’s feeling like I don’t deserve itor what…
My heart and soul are completely certain about this person, but my brain just keeps going, ‘how would this even function in normal everyday life?’ I don’t have an answer for that.
I’ve spent so long making logical decisions that following my heart feels like jumping off a cliff. Maybe it is.
Feels like there are a couple of runners around, but when we speak, sometimes we get attacked for not ‘doing the right thing’. Common questions I see:
Do you have urges to reach out to the chaser?
God, yes. The longing is physical, this ache that won’t quit. I think about them constantly. I pull back when something feels off, like they’re not ready or I’ve felt disrespected. Part of me wants to reach out daily, but I hold out.
Not because I want to make things worse or slow us down, but because I don’t think we are ready.
I’ve only broken first twice: their birthday and a natural disaster in their area. Otherwise, they are the ones to reach out, and it’s always a relief. We cycle every couple months, short separations.
Are you scared to reach out?
Complicated.
I know they’d respond, but I don’t want to undermine my boundaries or seem flaky, like their bad patterns are suddenly okay. My therapist says my stubbornness is devotion. I want him to grow and drop those habits. Holding the line hurts us both, but it’s how I love us.
Are you repulsed?
Never.
My heart skips when their name pops up anywhere, pure hope floods in. It shifts when old patterns resurface, but repulsed by them? No way. Even when their behavior’s been awful.
My twin has told me that a big part of why they ran was because they couldn’t explain the intensity of the connection to anyone around them. Like, how do you tell your friends or family that you feel this insane soul-level bond with someone? They were so worried about being judged or people thinking they were losing it.
There’s also this fear of being vulnerable in front of others, like admitting you have these deep feelings makes you look ‘weak’ or ‘crazy’ in the eyes of people who just don’t get it. It’s been eye-opening for me because I used to take it so personally, but now I’m starting to realize that a lot of the running is about not being able to handle how the outside world might perceive the whole thing.
I am a runner. 29 years of running.
I was completely oblivious. I am possibly the most spiritual person I know, and I had no idea what a twin flame was. My TF also did not know what twin flames are. He just knew that when he saw me he couldn’t explain why he was so completely overwhelmed (obsessed) and why I felt like home. I had no idea he felt that way. I just knew I felt completely safe with him and when he was around, we were together - platonically.
I can tell you this. I would have never allowed myself to be loved the way he would have loved me. It would have felt very, very uncomfortable. He tested the waters and I removed myself from the situation and he never tried again.
We both went into waves of depression, but we didn’t know about each other’s experience. We would cross paths, but I was always in a relationship at those times and he was always very respectful, so I didn’t know there was more. Totally obvlivious.
He has always been connected to me and a nice friend. I didn’t feel the intensity/magnet until last year and it came on very fast. I couldn’t act on it because I’ve been married for 19 years so the only thing I did was say “promise me you’ll go where I go in the next lifetime”. That’s all I said.. and it triggered my kundalini activation, oneness with God, spiritual awakening. God put a twin flame video in my youtube algorithm that day.. there’s no other explanation.. and that’s when we both learned about twin flames.
I don’t know if all runners are oblivious.. but I 100% was. I never thought he even had a crush on me. Duuuhhhh
Oh.. and what’s interesting is the previous summer I really intentionally worked on embodying my divine feminine energy because I was aware of my blocks (like I said, I’m spiritual). And for months before I reconnected with TF, my intention during my yoga practice was “oneness”. I had no idea what I was praying for apparently! I guess we get there whether we know what we are doing or not.
Runners, quick question. When you were in a karmic relationship during separation, did some part of you know it was temporary?
Or did you genuinely believe you had moved on?
I think the name “runner” is fitting. Constantly in motion while chasers are usually standing and waiting.
Runners get treated like they are cold or harsh… but it is all just fear. The running itself just breaks you down physically and emotionally until you’re operating on pure mechanical autopilot about everything. Probably makes it look even worse from the outside.
I’ve heard it said before, but I think it was @Cassady who said in some ways runners have it worse. At least chasers tend to be the more awakened counterpart who can join a community like this. Chasers can study and understand the connection in order to help progress. We can use tools like meditation or whatever else to help ease the hard parts.
Runners can’t do that.
I appreciate when chasers try to understand instead of just dwelling on that rejection feeling. This thread feels like that.
Runners usually can’t even articulate what they’re running from, because they don’t fully understand it themselves yet. That must be terrifying.
Not being good enough. Fear of permanently destroying something precious. That’s what my runner shared when we reconnected for a while. He believed that stepping back was protecting both of us from whatever damage he was convinced he would cause.
The self-sabotage comes from a place of care, in a way.
Being a runner is like being tied to a chair. You know something inside wants to get out, but you can’t engage with it, can’t even begin to understand it. That’s the closest I can get to describing it.
Has anyone else experienced that thing where you’re outwardly confident in every other area of life, but around your twin you just… freak out internally? The self-talk kicks in and you physically remove yourself. Changing seats, avoiding eye contact. And then when they’re not around you spend days replaying why you acted that way, only to eventually move on until the next encounter hits and it starts all over again.
The roles can flip too. You go from runner to chaser and suddenly you’re the overthinker. Completely different version of yourself.