The Venting Space

General
21

So sorry for your loss @Scorpio

I have a friend who I definitely have less contact with but that all happened long before I met my TF.

I’m thinking along the lines of conflict coming between you perhaps if you discuss your TF and they tell you you must be imagining it. Or you befall hard times, lose your job and are unable to pay for your house. Idk I try to stay positive but after reading about all the good things as a newbie to this journey it was a shock to find out really difficult things can happen. But I guess that’s life and you don’t know what’s around the corner.

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22

Omg same here! I write comments that follow the main point, give my own example and then write something helpful, and then get marked as spam. I’m starting to think there’s someone on here that just doesn’t like me lol and is targeting my posts :expressionless_face: so I’m not the only one then? The post I gave my example on also asked if anyone else had gone through it… so I don’t understand why I get flagged so often…

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23

I have 3 posts that flagged as spam, it said that it’s a commercial. It’s a reply for a post. How could it’s a spam??And, how could it be a commercial?

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24

Happened to a few of mine just a few minutes ago too

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25

Hi, happy New year. What’s wrong with my post?:face_with_peeking_eye:

.

.

My post is back, thank you @admins

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26

This may be a stretch, but as I’ve already discussed this matter on this thread, I’m of the opinion that we should not remove individuals from this community.

Is it possible that whoever is reporting our posts as spam is one such individual? Someone disgruntled after being removed?

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27

A few days ago, i made this post here.

Today, a moment ago, my friend told me that she has a talk with him during the outing. She said that he is wearing a ring in his finger. Whether it’s truly an engagement ring, or a couple ring, I don’t know. Maybe, engagement.

It’s a hearsay from my friend. He said that he already in a commited relationship with someone. My friend ask him, is it with my friend? And, he avoided it and hide his finger. He said that he doesn’t know how the relationship will unfold in the future, but he plan to commit. He and his partner has a different religion, like us. And likely, the girl has a same religious believe with me. He said that maybe eventually one of them will convert, either he to my religion or her in his religion.

He ask my friend, whether I’m happy right now. And he wants me to stay happy, now or in the future. He hopes that I let bygone be bygone.

I feel hurt, and I want to cry right now, but I can’t, I’m in a workplace, and I still have class later on.

But, it feel so unfair, he used the differences in our religion to break up with me, said it would be easier for me. But, then it’s find for him to plan to commit to someone else, and converting to other religion, that he said it’s not possible for us?

What should I do now? Why thus situation feel so injustice?

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28

Sending you a really really huge hug right now, @Yaneka_Herma. I’m so sorry that you’re experiencing this. But before you get ahead of yourself, breathe. Is this the friend that you mentioned before you shares information about your Twin with you to get some kind of reaction? Or is this person your actual friend at work?

Karmic connections come into our Twin’s lives to teach them or show them lessons they have yet to learn. There are also karmic contracts that they carry over from their previous lives that they need to fulfil and see through whilst on their journey here. My only advice right now is to stay grounded. Cry if you need to, scream into your pillow. You are allowed to feel your feelings and express them in any way that will make you feel better.

What should you do now? Nothing. Turn your focus back to yourself. You can’t control his journey, only your own. There are a lot of things that occur on the journey that feels unfair and are things we cannot comprehend ourselves. But faith in believing in something when you have no proof. As much as it is difficult right now, you need to try to keep living your life, and focusing on your own growth and journey. Believing that you cannot lose what is yours, and the universe will bring you back together when the time is right.

I’m always here if you need to rant. Sending you so much love :growing_heart:

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29

It’s the friend who I share information with, and she is the one who often ask him where our relationship headed, that I ever told you before.

I want to cry, to scream. But, it’s 10 AM in the morning, I have class at 1 PM, I can’t go home before 3 PM.

My mind rapidly made a lot of story:

  1. It’s illusion, it’s all illusion. What I feel, all the shift that I feel, it’s all my delusional mind, only illusion
  2. He never have a plan to commit to me, it’s all fun and game to him
  3. All those high sexual energy, all that high drive, perhaps it’s between him and her
  4. All those dream that we talk, spending time together, it’s not real, too
  5. Can’t be together because of different religion, only an excuses

It’s so noisy. I know,I need to stop, to ground, to find somewhere quiet, to breath.
This week, I feel so light, maybe because I could saw him, during those two days of outing, maybe because I have a good time, too.

But, right now, this news almost topple my foundation. He used that reason to me, but it’s fine to convert if it’s someone else. Am I not that worthy of bending that?

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30

Yes. I remember you mentioned her to me.

Don’t allow yourself to spiral right now, love. Right now all you have is the information shared to you through a third party. You don’t really know what is actually happening, and your head is spinning due to this information coming to you. Take what you’ve heard with a pinch of salt. Overthinking now won’t change the situation. Breathe. :growing_heart:

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31

Last month, at Dec 19, he came to school, in teacher office that he avoid at all cost this past year, he sat an chatting with the other teacher. One of my male coworker ask him, is this your wedding invitation? Because he hold one, it’s a wedding invitation from a teacher from this school. They laugh about it, and he said it’s around next march after the celebration of fasting month.

I got triggered so bad, and it’s lasting until the change of the year. That outing, actually I’m afraid, because at that moment I feel very vulnerable and tender. I understand that I’ll feel the pull, I’ll feel his energy, I’ll always lean toward his direction.

But, after two weeks of handling the trigger, his presence somehow soothing me. And, it make me question it, do i feel his energy wrong, do i read him wrong?

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32

@Yaneka_Herma, just checking in on you. Are you doing better today? :growing_heart:

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33

Thank you for checking on me :heart:

I’m not really in a good condition, I am still processing it. I cried for a whole night, last night. I curse my TF of course, I scream all his unfairness, I demand God to answer my question. Then, I go to work, with puffy eyes and swollen face. I have 3 classes today, and need to do an hour of regular counseling in my home room class. So, I need to look presentable, at least focusing on my students.

But, last night I did something awful, it’s something that my spiritual teacher always ask me not to do. I ask God for justice. I want my TF to understand, to feel of the pain that he inflicted on me. His action that affect my personal and professional life, how my coworkers see me.

I understand that this prayer is coming from my ego self, from me that wounded. But, I don’t want that emotion killing me from inside.

This morning, my spiritual teacher sent me a voice note. He said that, human tend to be too strong-willed, if they think there are still ways, still has possibilities, still can be done. It’s truly a good opportunity for me to get this life lesson. Where we could learn how to be magnanimous, to be generous of life. And, understand that God/Divine’s plans, ways, timing are the things that we need to surrender into, so that I could move forward in my journey. But, turns out, learning to be magnanimous is as hard as surrendering itself.

I never imagined it to be like this to learn this ‘magnanimous’

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34

If I could call you, I would. My heart hurts to know how much you’re going through right now. I wish there was something I could do to help

I get angry at my Twin sometimes too. And I spiral into a toxic cloud of anger, resentment and jealousy. I wish he could feel a little of the pain he has caused me, but then I take a step back and remember that he’s also probably going through his own struggles too

I do believe tho that after a few days once your emotions have settled, you’ll be able to think and feel more clearly. It’s not about you or her. Perhaps this is just a part of his journey for now. As much as it hurts and you don’t know the reasons why yet

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35

Hi @eunichick, how are you today?

Thank you for your support last week. it truly means a lot for me. Honestly, I don’t have any idea what I want to say to you. Everything feel so absurd and messy right now. But, yes, I feel calmer and a lot more stable than before. I think, I spent my whole weekend with crying and pitying my self, while I turn my bedroom upside down in a fit of a crazy cleaning frenzy.

My spiritual teacher called me last saturday night, we talk a lot about the situation that occur. He asked me, what my intuition tell me about this situation, but I really can’t discern anything because whenever I’m this distraught, any intuition and emotion will jumbling into one big mess. And, well, yes, like you did, my teacher said that my point of view will change when I’m calm and stable.

Yesterday night at 3 AM in the morning, I woke up with a sharp pain in chest (not an illness), something that we feel when we got a heartache. And, immediately I said, “Oh God, please stop. I think I have enough”, because of course my mind directly think about him. But, because I got woken up and I can’t sleep no more with this heavyness in my chest, I proceed to pray and meditate. We, as in my religion, have this period at night around 1 AM to 4 AM to pray, it’s not an obligation, if you feel like it. Because, around this time all veil will lifted up. All messages will be easier to comprehend and you could lay yourself bare.

So, after I just quietly sit there after praying, and just be there with myself, a thought crossed my mind. “Why he stubbornly choose option B, albeit his soul choose option A? Why he hold his logic and ego this strong and rule out his intuition and inner voice? How long he will live his life like this?”. Oh, and I talk to him, as if I talk to him during my meditation, close to scolding actually, like it’s no use of your choice (the soul/5D one), if he (the 3D) still living his life like this.

But, after I’m done ranting, another thought came across my mind. I think it’s the same lesson for both of us, albeit in different point of view. For me, my option B is act based on my fear, worrying about my future, ‘still’ trying to control the outcome. Even though, my option A is to release everything, to build my self outside this teacher persona that I use everyday, to have faith in God or Divine. That’s it to surrender my life and be magnanimous about it.

Hmm, what to say about that?

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36

Hi @Yaneka_Herma. I am doing alright today. Thank you for asking.

I am always here if you need me. Believe me I understand how it is when you really just want to talk to someone.

I guess like with most things, it takes time. I don’t know how many times I’ve tried to surrender completely, but sometimes back pedal and start overthinking again. I feel it’s part of the process. Some days you will be completely alright, then some days, you just fall apart. And that’s ok. From what you’ve shared, I think that a part of you has already surrendered to what is happening with your Twin because, even though I know you want to, you aren’t actually doing anything to control the outcome of the situation. Most people might have already confronted him, or exploded his phone with texts or calls demanding some kind of clarity. But you chose to find solace here, from your spiritual teacher and meditate.

I do agree with what you have shared. And I do believe that with time and patience, you will reach the point that everything will make sense. Right now, emotions are still raw and fresh. Both you and your Twin have different paths to walk right now, but in the future, there might come a time when your paths will merge again. Who knows what the future holds. Right now all we can do is hold on to faith, hope and love. :growing_heart:

37

So think I’m getting blocked or my number being deleted from his phone. Because, just a moment ago, my colleague said that he updates his Whatsapp Status/Update, but it’s not showing in mine.

Even though, yesterday he saw my status update at 11:11 AM. Something that he never do for this past year. Actually, I still want to find out whether I’m truly blocked or not, but I’m to embarrassed to do

But, I think, I’ll let just that be. Well, there is nothing I could do about it anyway.

I feel that, perhaps facing me is harder than facing whoever with him right now. Because, facing me means that he need to face anything that mirrored back to him. And, boy, facing your shadow, admit it and accept it truly hard to do. So, in some degree, I understand that.

But, I think I’m not ready yet to meet or see him.

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38

Interesting.

I feel right now is a time to just take a step back and breathe. Believe that the clarity you seek will be unfolded to you when you are ready. I believe one day you both will be able to have a conversation. But you’re right. You both trigger each other’s deepest fears and wounds. The journey has only just begun…

I do believe you can’t lose what was always meant to be yours :heart:

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39

I’m very desperate last week, so when there is someone who do a live free reading on insta, I jump to the ship. And, I was asking that ‘will we have a chance to reconcile, if he plans to commit to someone else’ question. For some technical issue’s reason, I post my question twice, and the reader answer me twice, too. With the same and a little bit different answer.

Today, the ‘friend’ that told me this whole situation, said this to me ‘you should move on, okay’. How I wish I could tell her how far and in what length my effort to move on from him. How exhausting it is hearing that word over and over again.

But, there is no use for telling her, she won’t understand it at all. And, I’ll end up in a more heavy energy and confusing situation.

About, he saw my status updates, we won’t know for sure if it’s him, or his current partner, or it’s only mindlessly scrolling all the updates. It’s better to think about it as a coincidence. Right now, I don’t even have the courage to see his updates, even though I fairly content before.

‘Something that look tidy and fairly clean from the outside, won’t be hidden for long’

This sentence has been on my mind over and over again today.

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40

I couldn’t agree with this more. Sometimes its about taking a step back and waiting for the full picture to unfold. Things are happening in the background that we cannot see, and it doesn’t help out nervous system to guess what they are.

I do hope you have been feeling better. I’m always here if you need to vent :growing_heart:

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