The Venting Space

Twin Flame Stories
41

Ok. So, I just needed somewhere to get this off my chest because the weight of carrying all these feelings is knocking me a little off balance.

My Twin and I recently came out of a 10 month period of no contact. During these 10 months, I have managed to find some semblance of peace within myself. Even though the initial few months were absolute torture, it definitely did get better when I started meditating more, focusing on my life and myself, doing things that brought me joy and journaling. All in all. Filling my life with joy and trying to take my focus off him. I thought I managed to get a hold of myself even though the missing him energy, synchronicities, signs never really did stop. But I found a way to accept > show gratitude > release. I even have a mantra for myself: I return what is yours, and reclaim what is mine. I repeated this to myself whenever I feel overwhelmed by his energy. I genuinely thought I was making progress

Then, my birthday rocked up in October. He texted me at 11:56pm, 4 minutes before the day was over. My response to his text + videos of him playing some songs on the guitar and piano for me (my birthday present; a “mini concert”, he said), was a very simple, “Thank you :smiling_face_with_three_hearts: “

I thought that was that. Just continued going on with my life as per usual.

Then, he reached out again. No words, just a song. “Our” song. Sent to me via WhatsApp. My response was sending another song in exchange. And back and forth we went for a while. Then we stopped.

Since then, he has called, sent me more cryptic photos (often with a line like “You came to mind when I saw this”), songs, told me “You’re missed” and most recently over the last week, he called, and two hours later texted me, “I miss you”

He is going through this cycle of: Show vulnerability > Retreat > Return. And to be honest, it is kinda driving me insane. I don’t know why he is back, I don’t know what he wants, and as much as I would love to have that “honest” conversation with him, I know that he emotionally could not handle that kind of pressure right now and would most certainly retreat for good.

Does anyone have any advice? I am trying to stand still, stay grounded and not allow this to affect me too much, but I am only human.

I wish he would stay. Stand still for a moment, and just talk to me.

I keep reminding myself of the no contact period we just went through, and how much I wished he would just reach out. You’d think right now I would be happy and grateful for the contact, and I should be. But how do I shut off those feelings of fear of abandonment and anxiety, and just enjoy the moments as they come?

Writing all this out really made me feel a lot better. So whoever is reading this. Thank you for your time :growing_heart:

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42

Hi, @eunichick

Thank you for the reply. I’m fairly good. Still crying here and there, but I just let everything that weighing my mind come out. I just said it aloud, and try to release the resentment. Sometimes, I woken up at 3 AM, feeling heavy, then I just go straight into meditation, and said if the energy isn’t mine, to please send it back to the one who own it. I don’t know, I feel rather confused about it.

About your situation, I believe it’s confusing for you. Maybe, there is a small fear about the situation, after in no contact for almost a year, sudden communication it’s a bit surprising, but still I’m happy for you.

I think you could observe the situation first and respond to it in a very grounded way. No jumping into conclusion. Like, react in an equal give and take. I think you already did so well.

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43

Right after my twin left, 4 days actually, my son’s friend needed a place to stay. I am the only person he has in this entire state so of course I said yes. Ive known him almost his whole life and I think of him as my son. He knows about my spiritual journey and he is very receptive of it. Anyway, ever since he has been here he mirrors all of my physical symptoms. all of them since day one. I got on here to ask if anyone knew why I have been waking up in a sweat for months off and on. then it just hit me he keeps telling me he is waking up sweating. sometimes I feel like he is sucking the light out of me and its getting weird. I love him very much and I’m trying to help him get on his feet so he and his fiancé can finally be together with their son. He has definitely helped me get ready for my twin in the over giving department and setting boundaries. Other things as well. Just not sure how to look at this. It doesn’t feel toxic or anything super negative. Just draining when he is home all day. Sorry about the length of this. I started out just wanting to understand the night sweats. lol

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45

Hi all, just wanted to share my story up to now and possibly get some feedback as to is this a TF journey or am I loosing my marbles? Ive hit so many moments if feeling utterly crazy and more has happened since writing this out over a week ago…

So back in april 2024 after a very nasty breakup with my ex that left me homeless for 4 month, nothing to my name except my car which i slept in and a bag of clothes, i hit rock bottom, on suicide watch every 3 days but eventually managed to somewhat get back on my feet after choosing to keep alive in my ex’s name as i thought i wanted her back. I had good standing with all her family, she had moved away with another ex by now, but i stuck around, you know trying to hang on, but trying to heal. They gave me comfort as i felt close to her through them. But that april i attended a family birthday to help my ex’s disabled mum out and to drive her, to my suprise this woman walks into the room, by herself and i was like who is that? Instant energy notice, its like i could sense her vibration, i noticed her looking at me a few times over the next few hours with a puzzled look on her face, we had never met physically before. It ended up we bumped into each other on our own outside and we started up a conversation, all felt very very comfortable for someone like me who can be a little bit socially shy. It was her time to leave as she had work the next morning and i felt an instant no, please dont, but i just sat with it. I have a little bit of spiritual insight from inner work i did years previous but something was telling me, look at her car, there is something about her car. So i looked over to see a rubber chicken on her dashboard, instantly i shouted over and asked her if it was, she laughed and said yeah. I replied i have one in my car too, she was like nooooo way, so i run over to my car, grabbed my chicken held it up and honked her with it, she did same back as be both just hysterically laughed like a pair of kids not 42 year olds. We soon got talking online, the magnet had started, i ended up dating a girl, this made her feel very strange she admitted recently and i was on her mind a lot as she was on mine, now here comes the odd stuff, her repeating numbers is 1313 she had a major life change over 15 years ago where this started for her, i live at number 13, she now keeps getting 1313 show up nearly daily, im a 1111 person, its everywhere at moment but the syncs in our lives so far are utter madness too, like learning to drive, passing in same year and months back in 2012, living in same areas but just moving as one was moving into area, exact same breeds of pets, both have similar backgrounds with parents, both first borns with one brother younger sibling, we both have a recurring dream of the same house with loads of odd bathrooms, like we literally finished each others telling on this dream, similar health conditions, both our mothers 21 when they had us all way down to minor sync stuff, but the syncs between us are insane in amount and we continue to find more, as we built our friendship we found we had been getting very very close and both trying to hide the fact we are mad for each other with a pull so intense we cannot explain it, literally driving each other mad that feeling, never felt anything like this, its intense, no words can describe it, i feel her, i smell her scent if shes emotional all from distance, we both tap into each others thoughts or what we are doing at the time, but here is the kicker, shes married with a whole other life, but shes awakened to this odd thing with me and shes in utter confusion at moment, im single and have just kind of paused myself to throw myself into this research which after much reading am doing internal work and literally trying the surrender as this is where my journey with her so far has taken us, things are that intense between us, we are going through odd erratic behaviours, emotional highs and lows until we are with each other then we both feel at peace but with the burn undertone, and she says she feels like a completley new person now, never felt like this ever, i agree, there is a constant burn, yearn and vibration, we just cant shake it. As usual though neither of us want to hurt anyone but we both have clicked this is far too large to ignore. I guess i know the answer but i just wanted to share my story to see if you all would consider this a true TF journey. Im currebtly just trying self control, but its sooo damn hard, we meet regular and thats getting harder day by day, im practicing some mindfulness currently and chakra alignments to try and help but wow….out of the blue, so unexpected, im just baffled but kind of know deep down in my self awarness what all this is if you get me.

thank you to whoever reads my babble Its very appreciated.

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46

I thought I was doing ok. Starting to detach a bit here and there. Today I realised how far I am from detaching. That I’m still obsessing.

My DM’s team have been invited to a monthly remote meeting we have in our department. I felt a bit worked up at the thought of potentially seeing him again. Kept thinking haha universe maybe this reunion will be on a video call, does that count?! Found myself worrying about my appearance and mannerisms. Told myself he might not even be there. But what if he is. Over and over.

Seveal members of his team did short presentations, including his manager. But he wasn’t there. I had a lot of thoughts. Felt disappointed he wasn’t there when I’d built myself up to the possibility.

My thoughts, in order after I realised he’d not showed:

  1. Maybe he noticed I’d accepted the meeting invitation and is avoiding me, even on a group video call.

  2. Maybe he HATES me. This triggered self hate in myself for a bit. How could I be so stupid to think he’d want me etc. I’m not smart enough, not young enough.

After a while…

  1. Hmm maybe he’s busy doing something else.

  2. Maybe the others (senior team members) decided they’d go and he will go another time.

  3. Maybe he didn’t even know I was going anyway.

So yeah. It shows how much work I have to do and how I get triggered by these things and obsess about what he’s doing and how he thinks of me. Sigh. Tell me I’m not the only one who gets like this. Oh well it was good to acknowledge my feelings and think about it after. Areas I need to work on.

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47

You’re definitely not alone, @Greycat. Those similar thoughts come to me when my mind starts overthinking too :pleading_face:

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48

Does anyone truly find reunion after years of no contact? It is 2 for me and I’m just so tired of thinking about him, worrying about how he is, wondering what actually went wrong.

Everything about twin flames fits us. So that gives me hope we will be together again some day. But I am miserable some days.

It has gotten better but if I let myself fully feel, the longing is still a physical pain. I keep trying to pull away, to put him out of my head and it maybe lasts a few days and then it is like our energies slam together again. When I feel like detaching completely it reminds me of a cartoon…two figures of us with glue stretching between us except it is our bodies being torn apart.

We are so different. There is a karmic I am told. I unfortunately got a message from her 8 months into no contact telling me “he is happy. Let him go. He is never coming back. He will never give you the conversation you keep asking for. You didn’t mean that much to him.” And damn it if every word of that has come true.

I tried letting him know what she did. He knows she did something…I got a brief email back…but when I tried to send screenshots, I got no response. I have no doubt she intercepted them. I could tell from her message she was in his email. She came across as incredibly manipulative and controlling. I got so scared for him. That was the only time he broke no contact. I tried emailing him again, even under different accounts…but nothing.

I dont understand how someone can admit feelings and even as we were breaking up say he knows he needs someone like me in his life and knows he makes me feel safe. Even the message from that women noted thst I wasn’t truly available and how was that fair to him? I was mere months from moving out and he knew it.

I know he has emotional blocks, childhood trauma, mental illness, addiction and was going through big things when we broke up. I should have run from him. But I didnt. I said his experiences were all foreign to me but I wanted to be there for him.

So much of the weeks before and after the breakup just dont make any sense. His actions didnt match his words.

Everyone just tries to tell me he’s an a$$hole. But they don’t see the innate kindness and goodness that I did. Never in a million years did I expect this from him. And thats why the knife cuts extra deep.

I think of the 3 of swords: one is the breakup, one is the broken promise to answer my questions, one is the silence. He destroyed my heart even more than my ex husband did. Maybe because I expected poor treatment from my ex, I never expected it from him.

I want to give up but my heart won’t release him.

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49

I have tried to write my story in this forum before but felt I have chosen the wrong place, or format, or anything, so I might just try to write it here. I guess, may be, it belongs to this thread.

Hi, the truth is I have never physically met my Twin Flame, I have never been to her country, never checked her address, never ever gotten any confirmation this person even exists, or that she doesn’t and it’s all just a product of my imagination. But what I have done is a sh*tload of work on myself, meditating, concentrating, remembering past lives and rewinding to future ones, talking to astral entities (what people in other times might have referred to as gods) and investigating the ins and outs of a world few can see. A world of spirit rather than matter. A world of faith rather than fact. And a world that actually, I believe, actually controls our own, not the vice versa. People call me crazy, and may be they are right. I can’t prove you all I have seen is real. But it can’t be disproven, either. So, take my story at your own discretion.

A repeating fact I have encountered during my traverses of this world beyond ours is the fact I have a kindred spirit, a woman sent to this world especially for me. But she is inaccessible due to physical and cultural distance (and what spirits have told me-she will continue to be in this way until I come to terms with myself and I disclose what I know with the world, but then I digress). Long story short, I know this spirit from many previous lives and we have been drifting apart for longer than this civilization have existed. And now I’m in a situation where my Path can sever the Twin Flame connection forever if I progress with what I have been up to past several hundred lifetimes. But I don’t want that to happen and believe God putting my Twin Flame on the line is His way of telling me I’m on a wrong path. That said the Path I’m on still makes the most sense to my Soul and I want to go down it. This is why I’m torn apart-between my love for this Soul and my firm conformity to my Path. Yet, the two seem to be in direct confrontation. Following the Path I’m currently on will indeed disown my Twin Flame from my Soul. And I don’t know can I take it?

And here comes the reality of this lifetime. I wanted to meet her so much. I made the necessary steps to prepare a trip to conform does this person exist or no but then fate interfered to make it all impossible to occur. My trip plans fell apart during the pandemic, I was sent the information my Twin Flame is now with another man and my entire endeavor fell through. God refused me an easy conformation journey. But I wanted to meet her, so much, even if only to tell her how deep is the sh*t I’m currently in. I need her to understand my situation very well. But the more I try to send her messages through telepathy the further away she goes. She seems happy in her current life. She seems fine away from me. What right do I have to interfere then? Should I just let her live with her own desires away from me until the moment comes when we will separate Paths. Forever.

Yes, I know that you will probably say that Twin Flames stay connected forever and that space, time and other people aren’t obstacles to their true connection. The thing is…I don’t think you fully grasp the depth and complexity of this Universe, of this form of existence, of this Creation. I do believe there are ways to get away from your true Twin Flame and to sever the connection, to end it all. For good. The problem is there is a price for it. And the price is you will never see him/her again. Ever. I’m now asking myself am I willing to pay that price? If you were me what would you do?

50

Adding my own addendum to my post… I have gone through a rollercoaster week of processing and I might actually be at the point of letting go.

I sent him a goodbye email (on top of 2 others I sent earlier this week, all with varying emotions. I know! I know!) It thanked him but noted he did break my heart. It contained my greatest wish for him - that he let himself be loved in away he deserves. I ended by saying I hope we give “us” a chance in the next lifetime. I then sent myself an email on the account I use for him with DO NOT EMAIL HIM AGAIN in the subject line.

I have realized a few things…

Maybe part of the surrender is simply believing we exist. That we were special to and for each other. That this was so much deeper than the casual fling it started out as. I do sometimes think about how random it was that we even found each other online. And that we managed to turn it into something so beautiful for a time. And the journey really is to face our fears and our flaws.

I always think of mirroring as being the same but I realized that we are opposites in how we approach love. I saw the goodness in him and was magnetized by it. He saw the same in me but was afraid of it. I respond with barely contained taurus passion and he needs capricorn control. We both fear being abandoned but where that causes me to cling tighter to that feeling of home, it causes him to run…abandon me first.

Temperance constantly comes up in readings for me/us and I am finally getting it…I have to bring more peace and less intensity…he needs to bring more openness and be at peace with being loved. A recalibration. A meeting halfway.

I realize now we could not have done that together. I think we set each other’s nervous systems on fire. While I wished so much we could help each other through it, we couldn’t.

I am frequently advised to listen to my own intuition and not readings or advice. My journey is mine. So much TF advice is so confusing and even contradicting…stop thinking of him, but do this daily energy clearing. Expect dreams, messages, warmth…but don’t dwell on them or worry if you don’t get them. My brain can’t reconcile that.

It is so hard for me to just listen because my mind is constantly loud. However, when I truly tried I felt a message of “soften the worry. live your life and let him live his.” When I try to take that a step further to an outcome of reunion, I was blocked. Then I got “peace is the outcome. My sadness is fueling his fears.”

So I am trying peace. I’m trying to be grateful that we got to spend what time together we did. That he didn’t break up with me over text, and he at least gave me some sort of explanation even if so many questions still remain.

I think I also realize that surrender, doesn’t mean I have to surrender the feelings I have for him. Or even the wish that I get to feel his arms around me again. I need to surrender the pain, the confusion, the hurt, the anger, the expectation that TFs can reunite if we just do everything “right”. (That pressure haunts me.)

I may be back in a few days missing him so intensely that i think i will lose my mind lol. For now I’m going to try peace and following my own path, away from all the advice and the readings and the guilt I feel each time I crave his touch.

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51

Is there something in the air? I just sent my TF a text today asking if we can talk because I want to tell him the same thing. Our contact these days has been sporadic. He has said he misses me, called, sent meaningful songs…but in between those moments of warmth, he disappears for 2-10 days. My anxiety cannot handle the inconsistency of our contact and honestly it also feels like I’ve been walking on eggshells because I’m so afraid he’s going to run/ghost me again. But no more. I’ve had enough. I sent him a simple text yesterday asking him to call me. I don’t know if he will. But if he doesn’t, then I need to start moving on with my life. All I want is closure and clarity. Perhaps his silence is my answer

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52

Due to it being eclipse season, I do believe the astrology is having an effect on things because I sent a text to my twin last night after being in separation for 4 months. I told her that I had some things to say and would prefer if we talked over the phone, but she wanted to text, which is not usual for us (she always tries to find time for a call). So, I sent a text a few hours later apologizing for something that happened a few weeks before separation. She hasn’t responded, and I have to be okay with that.

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54

That’s a beautiful way to look at loss and your mother sounds like she was an incredible woman. I’m sorry for your loss

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55

This is exactly why people who haven’t experienced a true twin flame connection simply cannot understand what we go through. With a soulmate, sure, you might have a beautiful relationship with good communication and stability - but that’s because soulmates don’t challenge you to your core the way twins do. They don’t trigger that deep soul-level transformation.

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56

I completely agree with you, @flame_recognition. For the first time in this journey, I’m actually about to put up some boundaries because the torment is too much to bear. I sent him a text last Tuesday saying that I needed to talk to him and to call me when he’s free. He has not responded. The last I heard from him was when he wished me Happy Valentines. Going from that, and sending me the song “Just Pretend by Rain Paris” that same week. To this silence. It’s confusing and I’ve had enough. I’ve held space for him for months but I deserve at least basic decent human communication. “Hey. Got your message. It’s been a busy week. Will call when I can” or “Can we talk some time next week? This week has been hectic”. That’s what normal people say to each other, but right now we have been reduced to walking on eggshells. I just cannot accept this anymore. I wouldn’t accept it from anyone else but because he is my Twin, I’m suppose to be patient and tolerate this bad behaviour? No. No more. If I don’t hear anything in a week, I’m done. I’m tired. I can’t do this anymore

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57

I can tell you that from experience because I felt their grief like it was my own, and instead of it pulling me closer, it terrified me into doubling down on the wrong life. Every wave of their pain reminded me of what I’d thrown away, and I couldn’t face it. So I built higher walls.

The tragedy of being the runner who chose someone else is that you don’t just lose your twin, you also can never fully give yourself to the person you chose. They deserve someone whole, and you’re not. You’re haunted.

Peace is the right path. Not for him. For you. Because I promise you, he is not at peace. He just wants you to think he is.

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58

About three weeks ago I send my TF an email, part personal and part work related (he is my contact at a factory where I do maintenance once a year). I didn’t expect to get a reply, he rarely does. Something must have shifted because two weeks later I got the most genuine, honest and heartfelt reply from him.

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59

Alright I guess it’s my turn to use this space. :sleepy_face:

My twin flame currently works in the heavy duty equipment repair industry and recently, in preparation for International Women’s day, they gave an interview about what advice they would give to women looking to join the trades.

And what advice did they give?

“Never allow stereotypes to limit your potential…pursue the trades with confidence, determination and pride!”

As if over 90% of the men in the industry don’t already have these traits, we need women to behave the same. :person_facepalming:

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60

That’s such a powerful angel number - the universe is definitely sending you a message through that timing. If he’s blocking you or hiding his status from you, it shows just how much you affect him. You wouldn’t need to block someone who doesn’t matter, right?

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61

I really feel this. The push-pull cycle is exhausting and it takes so much courage to finally say enough is enough. Whatever happens, you’ve honoured yourself by speaking your truth. That takes strength

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62

That means a lot to read. Thank you.

I honestly never thought I’d get to this point of my own journey. But the moment I sent that text. I felt an immense weight lift from my shoulders. And it’s probably the best I’ve felt since he reentered my life. Since October I’ve been living in this in between space of these bursts of warmth and hope from him. But it is obvious to me that even tho his return has proven that the 10 months of silence did nothing to help him get over me, he has still not yet done the work he needs to do for us to even be remotely close to union

I heard a song today called “Come Back To Me by David Cook” and the lyrics spoke to me so deeply. “I can’t get close if you’re not there. I can’t get inside if there’s no soul to bare I can’t fix you, I can’t save you. It’s something you have to dO. So, I’ll let you go, I’ll set you free, and when you see what you need to see. When you find you, come back to me” :heart:

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