I don’t really know how to stop chasing my TF. It’s honestly getting ridiculous. I know self-concept should be the priority, but my brain just. won’t cooperate? Like I’ll try to redirect, and within 10 minutes, I’m back to obsessing. And the frustrating part is, I get it, I know what I should be doing. but theres this pull that makes detachment feel basically impossible. How do you guys actually deal with this when the connection feels this strong?
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This is the question people should be asking, but most of the people who will give generic advice probably aren’t able to stop chasing anyway.
If you stop chasing, it doesn’t mean the journey has failed. This is actually how you push things forward toward union.
To stop chasing, you need to do “surrender”. Some people think this is just another twin flame stage to “get through” but it is more of an active process, and there’s a really good thread on how to surrender to the journey.
That’s it.
Anything else is fluff and filler. You’ll be back here in 12 months, dealing with the same problem.
@Cassady wrote a guide on inner work for twin flames and this is the only thing that will help you move forward.
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There’s a difference between running and actual healthy detachment. A lot of people conflate these, but they’re not the same thing.
When we’re in chaser mode, we often don’t realize we’re putting our TF on a pedestal and that often means ignoring our own needs. That desperation comes from fear. Fear that you’re not enough on your own, that love won’t stay unless you earn it, that if you stop trying, nothing will happen.
The frustrating truth is that healthy detachment takes constant effort. It doesn’t flow easily once you surrender. It’s work. And it doesn’t feel particularly great - not miserable like when you’re running, but not amazing either.
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This dynamic is kind of designed to work that way.
The obsessive thoughts usually point to something that needs attention, some wound or upset that’s been quietly playing in the background. Your twin is their own person with their own life lessons and awakening to go through. By working on your internal state, you actually propel them to do their own work too. They meet you energetically halfway. That’s how this works. Checking their socials constantly, stalking their digital presence - none of that moves anything forward.
But it is where so many people get stuck because that’s what they focus on.
What does help is redirecting that energy into yourself. And I know you’ve heard ‘focus on yourself’ a million times, but the part people don’t mention is how hard it is. Like genuinely frustrating hard. The goal isn’t to stop thinking about them forever. It’s more about releasing what you think the connection should look like. You might be stuck in an old template for what this connection’s relationship should be.
Be gentle with yourself, though. Almost everyone goes through obsessive phases in this.
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The runner usually acts out of confusion and self-defense. They’re not ready to deal with this level of connection. That’s not about you. As the chaser, you’re probably the more awakened one in the pair right now - you’re aware of what this is and its possibilities. But awareness doesn’t make the obsession easier to manage.
You need to actually learn what this stage of the journey is for and what the work is that you need to do. Not what they need to do, this is about you. The obsession works like a hook that forces you to face your stuff, whether you want to or not. There’s purpose in it, but that doesn’t make it pleasant.
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Accepting that both the chaser’s spiral and the runner’s flight are out of our hands is the real work here. Surrendering means letting go of blame entirely - toward yourself and your twin. It’s hard to resent someone for playing the exact role that Spirit scripted for them.
Meditation is what finally helped me find that inner peace. Once you get there, the chasing kind of naturally stops on its own.
I can empathise with what you’re going through. Sometimes I wonder to myself how CAN I stop thinking of them when…when I actually do, a song plays, or I see significant number combinations, a bee, a rainbow, a dragonfly, or someone says their name. Then boom. They’re in my head again
To me I guess the difference is if I’m sitting around starring at my phone willing them to call or posting something on my socials that will try to trigger a reaction out of them or if I am graciously accepting the reminders and synchronicities with gratitude whilst going about my life without them. Don’t get me wrong. My Twin is pretty much always on my mind, even when I’m not consciously thinking of him. He’s become like a constant hum at the back of my mind. But these days, I don’t do anything to act on those feelings out of ego, or desperation. For me, chasing is when your actions are done to control an outcome or trigger a response.
Journalling has helped me a lot. Whenever I have dreams or thoughts of him, I write them down and take a moment to meditate or listen to music just to centre my own being back to myself.
I don’t think it’s possible to shut down thoughts of them completely. It depends on what you’re thinking about… 
I needed to honor both the feminine and masculine within myself first - like asking how a true divine king would act and meeting those needs internally.
It can take a lot of work and learning to be whole on your own before you are ready to be connected. You need to be both high enough and balanced enough that the push-pull dynamic just wasn’t an issue and you don’t get there without starting with your own work.
That running and chasing cycle gets easier naturally when both of you are doing the work. It won’t look the same, you’re probably working on different things, but it usually needs to start with you. When you’re aligned within yourself, you’re better equipped to step into whatever shared purpose brought you together in the first place.
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I’ve pretty much accepted that they’re always going to be there in the background, as fighting it just seems to make it worse and I get into a vicious circle of trying to erase something that’s never going to go away no matter what I do.
I frequently see my twin’s birthday date, other repeating numbers, and people who resemble them strongly. It feels like a bad joke sometimes. These signs and synchronicities are apparently meant to keep reminding us of our twin and the path - as if we could forget!
One thing that seems to have helped is never looking at their social media. We work in the same company so I at least know they are alive and well so to speak, and that’s enough. I know it would just cause me a world of pain to see any dating they might be doing and suchlike. Don’t need to know about that anyway.
Other than that, it’s been really helpful to see the advice and threads others have posted but don’t have any more wisdom to impart unfortunately. Good luck to us all 
This paragraph by @eunichick sums up surrender for me. For my own journey at least.
Just to offer up my own experience @third_eye_sight in the hope it may help you. I entered ‘surrender’ earlier this year after what felt like endless months of experiencing what you’re going through just now. I couldn’t take the pain anymore so I took two weekends just to focus on meditation, spiritual work, drawing diagrams of ‘our’ soul how I see it and journalling. I ended up using a mantra of ‘I feel your energy and pain but right now I need to shield and give my energy to myself’. I would say that every time TF popped into my head (so 1000 times a day), then picture bringing my energy back into centre and after persevering with this, it started to work.
In order to stop obsessing over the 3D, I placed TF into this 5-D bubble in my crown chakra and ‘let him live’ up there. I’d watch him in there and get used to him having his own life. Even though it wasn’t ‘real’ it helped me confront TF living his own life which fed into my fear of abandonment and being left behind. It was healing.
Then I entered surrender, all of a sudden and quite swiftly. The mind is quiet and I live with TF whirr over my 3rd eye. Like @eunichick says, TF is always with me but I don’t act upon it anymore than gently acknowledge it a few times a day.
I should add that you can be sucked back into 3D obsession for brief periods of time and I have learnt to just trust when this happens and not act upon it other than observing the pain, sitting with the emotion and letting it pass. Now, within a few days I’m back in the surrender stage.
As I always say ‘TF is not for the faint-hearted’ but instead of feeling it’s a bit of a curse I now live with gratitude to source’ for trusting I am strong enough to weather the crazy journey of ours.
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What helped me with the obsessive thinking was to allow it to be there because it takes the pressure off, plus, if I can’ fight it, I may as well embrace it for all it is going to teach me. Believe me, like everything, it is temporary and better still, the moment it is absent, we feel hit by a freight train yet again. All until we get used to the ebb and flow.
What also helped me was to regard the obsession as a training ground in order to become an observer of ‘my’ thoughts - it took the focus off of the obsession itself and gave me a task to do, so win-win for me. In this framework I learned rather soon that most of the thoughts coming through are actually not mine and/or have nothing to do with me.
As for the chasing energy…for as long as one operates from a fear-based mindset, the chasing energy does more harm than good in my opinion. It practically charcoals anything in its’ path, it suffocates unintentionally and may even result in physical discomfort on the receiving end which is not in anyone’s interest.
Maybe you’re just not there yet? Chasing is a natural part of this journey. It takes time to surrender.
I don’t mean that you should just sit back and wait. You continue living your life, of course. But I think you can’t force things to move forward.
I’ve been there. Chasing obsessively. It was really hard to focus on anything else but him. Nothing or no one else interested me. How was I supposed to redirect the energy back to myself when he was the only thing I cared about?
Well, I wasn’t able to do that back then. I wasn’t ready to quit chasing. But now I’m in a different place on this journey. It happened gradually over time.
That’s just my experience. Every journey is unique.
Oh, the classic ‘I’ll just redirect my thoughts’ strategy - been there, watched that fail spectacularly constantly.
I gave myself 20 minutes twice a day to fully obsess without guilt. Somehow knowing I had that scheduled space made the intrusive thoughts way less demanding during the rest of the day.
There are a lot of useful threads on exactly this subject. I won’t just give you a list of threads to read, but I would spend some time reading the advice already here because most of it is exactly what you’re asking even if it doesn’t use the same words.
Everyone has their own unique path to travel and we all take different detours along the way but there are some universal truths that we all go through. There’s even a post on what happens if the chaser stops chasing, because we all go through some of the same milestones.
If you stop chasing them, it’s weirdly counterintuitive. It doesn’t stop the journey and can actually push you both forward as long as you do it right.
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The obsessive thinking usually slows down once you let yourself feel it without judgment. What you resist tends to stick around.
Finding comfort in simply knowing he exists - that’s what finally let me breathe. Whether we end up together in this lifetime or another, no amount of texting or obsessing will speed up that timeline.
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Surrender is something you gradually become rather than forcing.
Instead of getting frustrated when the chasing happens, I’ve been trying to just get curious about it. Like what am I needing from them, what beliefs about myself are driving this. Then slowly working on giving those things to myself instead.
Not gonna lie, it’s not fast and I definitely haven’t mastered it. But the pull does seem to get a little less intense over time, even though the love stays just as strong. Has anyone else found that the need to chase lessens when you start meeting your own needs more?
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It’s ridiculously hard and confusing. Let them go. Just the past relationship part though. Trust your gut but ignore any sense of urgency it tells you. Divine timing prevails. Go ahead and date. Just keep a space in your heart somewhere for them. Oh and if you don’t want to have sex with anyone else…..then good luck dating. I don’t care what kind of relationship you have with the opposite gender all roads lead to sex. At least in my experience no man sits with platonic for very long. So here I am trying to do all those things and be happy at the same time. I truly am happy now. I honestly am. I just feel like I have this delicious meal to eat but it needs salt and I can’t find the shaker. So I’m having something else to eat instead. I’m filling up on all the people who love and show up for me right now. I’m doing new things and loving it. Im still hungry for that other meal though. But I’m not having it until my twin shows up with that damn salt. Sounds much easier on paper. So if anyone has an easier way, I’m quite open to suggestions.